To my beautiful son shine..
18 years ago at 3:50 pm, I was blessed with you, the biggest and brightest gem of my life.
You were my miracle...
I had been told I couldn't have a baby. When I was 19, I had cysts on my ovaries and had to have surgery to remove them. Then years later had surgeries to remove the scar tissue that didn't allow me to get pregnant. After numerous surgeries they told me that I couldn't have kids.
In the beginning, it was extremely hard for me
to accept. I was angry at the world. Everywhere I looked I saw babies, kids and pregnant moms. My heart was broken. But, then I got courage...and realized, if that is how it is supposed to be, then I can accept it. I was ok after awhile. Because I had to be.
On April 20, your cousin was born. Your dad and I were there to experience his birth. On my way home from the hospital, I was so sad, because I knew I would never experience this in my life. Your dad and I went home... and we prayed, we asked God to give us just one baby. Just one! We even said, that is all we'd ask for. I think it was the only time your dad and I prayed together...and our prayer was answered.
9 months later you were born.
Since that day, every day has been filled with sunshine.
Watching you grow...watching you learn...and seeing the young man you have become gives me pride.
Life wasn't easy at times, because you and I were alone. But life was beautiful, because you gave me hope each and every day. Hope
and courage. Courage to be a strong mom with my only option being to raise a strong man.
On your 6th birthday, I cried. I cried because I had realized just how fast 6 years had passed. I cried because I thought...6 years have gone so fast, in another 6 years you'd be 12 and six years after that you'd be 18. Wow....18 years have passed, and I can't believe just how fast. What I know...is that each and every day of those 18 years, I knew that I had the best son ever.
I tried my hardest to protect you from negative talk regarding kids who grow up in single family homes. I refused to believe that you were going to be like the kids the media labelled. I also refused to treat you differently, or let anyone feel sorry for you because your dad wasn't around. I never wanted anyone to be a cause for you being weak or blaming anything in life on your dad not being around.
You know, since you were little, you always had a calming effect on me and on others you touched. When you were little, I'd take you to grandma's restaurant where I would cook. You would go out into the restaurant and you'd sit with adults and have conversations with them. It was cute to see you talking with
the older people. They just loved you.
I see people now, and moreso my friends, who see that you are special. I'm so proud when I hear people talk so highly of you, and i believe that what they feel is something you have that shines from deep inside your soul.
Over the years, you've become my friend, in the most positive sense. I can confide in you. I look to you for your constructive criticism and for your advice. You calm me. You make me move, you push me and are hard on me when you need to be. You make me see things from a broad minded perspective, as I think I've taught you to do. Some times you tell me things, that make me realize how I handle matters and it helps me improve myself.
One of the most positive things I see in you is...you have a kind, compassionate heart. I see how you treat older people and children with respect. That is something to be proud of. I have taught you to treat all people the same. It's what grandma and grandpa taught me. Whether they're poor or rich, old or young, they are the same.
Today I didn't give you a shiny new car, or lots of
money. I gave you something to build. I gave you a business. It is up to you to rise to the top. I can't hold your hand, and can't do it for you. It's all in your hands. Use your hands to guide you, as you stretch your arms outwards into wings that will help you soar to the highest places you choose to fly.
What I see now, is the man you've grown to be
. I am truly not worried, that you are going to have a wonderful life . I know you are strong, because you give me strength. I see how you are a leader and not a follower. I see how you inspire your friends. That makes me proud.
My words of advice to you, as I so often have them haha... are, go forth, learn....never stop learning. Whether you choose to become a doctor or a painter or a writer or an RVP. Put your heart in it....help people, while you're working your way to the top. You know I've taught you, that a kind word of encouragement can change a person's life. Be an inspiration to everyone you touch and you'll never have regrets. And, like i've said so often....when people try to break your spirit or crush your dreams...don't ever give them the power to do it.
Remember....like i told you so often about some of my favorite lyrics in a spanish song (haha, you know me and my music)....Porque la vida son instantes que se cruzan en el tiempo. La locura mas brillante puede estar ocurriendo...Por que dandole la vuelta al peor de los momentos
abriremos nuevas puertas que nos llevan hasta el cielo.... life is full of instances that cross in time...the brightest insanity may be happening....when you turn a bad moment around, you open doors that just may take you to heaven....
Don't forget...turn the negative around, whether something bad happens, or someone negative is put in your path....learn from those moments and people...pull the positive...and it'll be you who has the control and by doing this....you will find a happy place!
Always be the positive influence for your cousins, friends and family and business associates. Push them higher...because in pushing them to success in whatever sense it may be...will make you happy!
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. For lighting my world with sunshine and rainbows....with beautiful painted landscapes of what a family is. A mother and her son...we've come this far together. And I'll always be at your side to hold you up when you need me....or even if i'm far away...remember the golden words...You're OK...and you'll always be OK....
I want to say fly baby fly....but it's hard. I put together the video today...and cried.... because I realize what I was afraid of so long ago...I was afraid for you to grow up and leave me. Over the last several years I've prepared myself...and I was ok ...until today that I saw all the memories put together...with all the songs that mean something to us.
Just know I love you from the bottom of my heart and with my entire soul. You truly are my one and only shining star...my sonshine!
Love you....love you....love you.... MOM!
http://youtu.be/SQoZ2sK_kfQ
