Life staring me in the face...

Ok... I went to the Doctor a couple weeks ago, because I want to be placed back on some meds I took awhile back for a condition I've had since I was 19 that caused me to get cysts on my ovaries. I never go to the Doctor...because I never get sick, and when i do get a little something, I let it go away...

I don't like meds, and it amazes me how some people want meds for everything. Maybe I'm lucky I don't have any ailments, or maybe its I just don't make a big deal of my aches and pains. I've always been strong...I remember my first surgery at 19, my mom wanted me to stay in bed, and she was so upset with me, when she went from my grandmother's restaurant to the bar, which was closed. I had the jukebox playing and was dancing with my little brother.

The nurses were also amazed after I had my ceserean and was sitting with my legs crossed (indian style) on the hospital bed, sitting straight as could be, they said that most women are lying on their backs...I guess I'm just strong and don't think about it much. I do what i have to do. I'm really not a whiner.

Anyway...so the doctor said my check up went well. But my cholesterol was high, as well as the other I thing I went for. So he's sending me to an endocrinologist to work the other thing out. But what remained in my mind more was the cholesterol issue.

I first started asking questions, about what causes it, all he pointed out was red meat. Then i got wonderful information from friends as I asked the question on facebook.

Ok, so what is playing most heavy on my mind. Life and Death!

I don't want to die...I have too much to live for. So many things I need to accomplish before I can say, I'm ready! Is that how we all feel? I think its how we should feel.

I think that we should have an outlook on life that there is so much more out there to live for, to experience, to be happy for.

Yesterday my friend told me a story. He has such interesting stories. He said that The government is now giving out $86,400 a day putting it in our accounts and we have to spend it. We have to spend it on ourselves, our family, our work, etc. Whatever is left over will be taken away. So i'm thinking, how would I spend this much money all in a day???? Then he goes on to say that the government can stop this payment at any time they see fit.

Then he says...each day we are given 84,600 seconds of life. And we have to use them on us, our family, our friends, etc. etc. What we don't use, is lost. So its up to us, to use every second we are given to breath happier breaths. To live to the fullest.

About 4 years ago, I was really in a rut. Not happy in my life, I was fat, I was married to someone I knew I didnt love and it could end at any moment. I was alone, in a city with no family, no friends. Feeling, hopeless at times. Feeling alone. Yet living for my son. Working my rear off. Just living with no real direction.

Then I woke up one day. I knew what I had to do. I needed to find a reason to feel alive. Years before that I met someone who made me feel more alive than I had in many years. He made me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. So I looked for him again. It wasnt hard to find him, because he really had never gone very far away. He had tried to keep in contact with me, searched for me, but I pushed him away.

I couldnt let him see who I had become. I never wanted him to see me as a fat, unhappy person. When I say fat, in no way is it in the negative to anyone other than to me. I had gained 45 pounds since I was with him. No way did I want him to see me. Over those years when we would cross paths, I would not let him see me, I would make excuses. One time I let him see me with reading glasses and no make up. I was pushing him away. I remember thinking, look at me now...i'm not who you fell in with. Now, I ask myself why I did it. But I realize I did it because I didnt love myself and how could one of my greatest loves....love the person I had become. I only wanted him to remember the woman he thought was the most beautiful in the world.

Ok, I'm a romantic. That may be the part of me that wanted to preserve his memory of me. But wait...how could that be. Life wasn't over...I knew i could still be attractive. I just had to work on me. So I found him...and I thought, I would use what he did to me, and how he made me feel, to make me strong again. It worked! Little by little, my mind, was getting stronger. I lost about 10 pounds then, but it worked. I was feeling desirable again. I was finding the real me again.

Since that happened a few years ago, I never lost touch with him. Although I do tend to push him away at times. I feel I can't be without his presence, in whatever aspect it may be, as we are on two different continents.

Today, 30 lbs lighter, and with a way to go. I'm happy. He told me the other day, that I'm the person he met many years ago. He told me that he loves to see me happy. He also talked about the few years that I wouldnt talk to him much and how I had changed. I finally confessed, and I told him why. I cried when I told him. But he knows me well enough, that this isn't the first time he sees me cry.

His reaction was one I should have expected from him. He told me that those things didn't matter.

I realize now, that I'm not getting any younger...but I am getting better. My wrinkles are coming out, as well as more white hair. But heck... We are all getting older. What we have to do is stop comparing ourselves to 20 year old models...and to the 25 year old neighbor. I see my friend now, and I see his wrinkles more clearly, I see his body has changed. But what I see most clearly is the sparkle in his eye when he's talking to me and seeing what he brings out in me. He truly makes my eyes sparkle and that is why he never lost my heart. I also know, that what he sees in me is my sparkle that comes from my heart, he tells me I am beautiful, and when he does, my insecurities come tumbling out...and i start pointing at my wrinkles and trying to point out my white hair, but he doesnt care. He still makes me feel beautiful, and I'm realizing he's seeing beyond the wrinkles and changes that age has painted on my face and body. He sees me from the inside out...

So, when i think about life. There are things that I know I have to do before my time is up. Those things are take care of me...the best I can, now and not tomorrow. And look for all the beauty in life. Try not to get too stressed on what I can not control. But try to find happy seconds in all those 86,400 that I'm so blessed with every day. And also, work at making all those things on my bucket list a reality...

We have to be our best at this point in time...so that in a month's time, a year's time or 10 years down the road, we are not regretting the waste of the precious moments we are blessed with.

As one of my favorite song says.... "It's up to you, It's your choice, You only get one shot in life" and if you lose it, it's gonna hurt real bad" The song refers to one shot at love....but I think it holds true for one shot at life. I realized this many years ago, when learning how to raise a child. If you don't do it right...you'll only grow old and have regrets. But that's another story....

The saddest day of my life...

Three years ago, today, was a regular day. I worked, then got ready to go with Anthony to the school open house. We were in our last class, anxious to get out of there.

Then i got the phone call. Dom had been shot. It's funny, but I didn't take it very serious. I thought everything would be ok, just like things always turned out.

We went home...and about an hour or so later...the phone call that changed our lives came in. I answered, and could hear the most horrible sounds at the other end of the line. It was my family crying in horror. I couldn't finish talking to them.... he was dead!

I started screaming to Anthony, Dom's dead, Dom's dead! To see the pain, in my son's face and to feel the crumbling of my heart...my body weakened. I felt a pain I never thought possible. I ran to my room, and I threw myself on my bed and screamed into my pillow...i fell to the floor crying the deepest cry, tearing into my pillow, searching for relief... I couldn't hear Anthony's cries or him punching the refrigerator in anger...

the only thing I heard was me.

The world I knew, had ended. I screamed and cried into my pillow for what seemed like hours...i felt the screams coming from the pit of my stomach...something i had never felt before.

We had lost Dom...but due to how it happened..it made it a million times worse. How could this happen.. I was crying for the loss of my nephew but crying for my brother too. How could this horrible thing have happened.

I was screaming to God...why? Why? Later, I lay in my bed in the dark room...looking at the ceiling, weakened from crying. Yet wishing I was home with the people I love most. I then got some strength and knew what i had to do. I had to be home, so I booked our flight to leave the next day.

When I got home. I knew life would never be the same for my family. One of our babies was gone and our brother was also not there, but in a different way. I gathered my strength from trying to help my son cope, as well as the other kids.

Being home...i felt an emptiness. I had experienced death in our family numerous times, including the experience of my dad being in a coma for almost 6 years...and then dying, was like losing him twice. But the pain, and emptiness that we felt because of Dom...was unlike any other.

What I noticed when we were there, was how people treated us. It was like the entire family had done this to Dom. My only consolation in how we were treated, during this time, was knowing that Dom knew who loved him.

One thing that happened while I was there.  I was talking to one of my best guy friends, since I was 16.   He comes from a family of all boys.   He told me that what had happened to our family was something not uncommon.  Then he went on to tell me of a story that had happened in his family.   He told me of 2 of his brothers who had been fighting horribly.   The dad was so angry that he got his gun and went after one of his sons.   He said his father didn't find the son, and said to me.   That if his father had found the son who was provoking everything, it may have ended differently because he had a gun.   He told me if his dad had found his brother, that it would have been his family there, and not mine.    

I also spoke to someone who told me about her anger and spur of the moment actions that could have ended in disaster because she was so angry with her son and she was in her car and her temper for a second could have caused her to react differently.    

These two conversations made me think about how life, and anger, and spur of the moment reactions can end in disaster.     

I play a song for Dom, one he never heard before. Its a song in spanish, Esta Pasando Noviembre, by Eros Ramazzotti and Amaia Montero...its a beautiful song. It talks about a person who will be 20 always...Dom was 20 when he died. It talks about the person feeling ignored in his life. The person says she wished she would have helped in his life. It says they're hoping that he finds what he is searching for now in another world. It talks about him playing in the sky following a shooting star while he takes a stroll through space ...

I sing this song from the bottom of my heart...and when I do...i look to heaven...to the skies, because I find peace in knowing in my heart that Dom is playing in the skies and he is in a better place, and he will never suffer again.

At the end it says this world is just more lonely without him.

This song touches me deeply because of the lyrics... and just like the person singing, I wish I could have done more for him... That is my only regret!

I know Dom was looking for something in this life...i knew he had a good heart, he had a smile that could charm anyone. The last time I saw him, he had been introduced to some distant cousins at my mom's restaurant, and he was so polite and conversed with them. It made me smile. I was proud of him.

Three years have gone by...and we'll never be the same.

Three years have gone by and the world is a lonelier place without Dom.

My thoughts and prayers for strength are with Jessica and my brother, Brittany and Alejandro, my mom, Rose, my brothers and sister, Tom, Richard, all Dom's cousins, and everyone that loved him!

Dom...here's to you. Again, Auntie Mo talking... and i know what would come out of your mouth...as I so often remind myself of some of your last words you said to me "Aunti Mo, you're too much! I smile now, because you always had that smile when you spoke those words.

Thank you for your smiles...for your laughter, for your silliness and jokester ways. Thank you for the love and respect you showed me always.

I love you hito...always....and this world is so much more lonely without you!

A dream...

9 years ago together with someone, we dreamed up a story I have been writing for as many years...one I need to finish...a story of love, desire, sadness...and a pain filled forever. This very special person helped me discover who I truly am, and again, has revived the person I will be until the day I die...the me, who had been lost in a world of hopelessness...but today only sees a hopeful today...a hopeful tomorrow...a hopeful forever...

~~~~~

In my dream...we live as one...

I wonder how, sometimes. I wonder how one person can have such an affect on our lives, that we sometimes do next to impossible to feel. To experience. To know.

What is it that holds that power over us...I speak in the "us" sense, as it is a way of avoiding saying "me"...

But "me" is who I am talking about.

How do we allow people to affect our lives so much, in which we at times lose all control. Sometimes we do it for a rush...for a feeling of fullness...for being desired...for feeling something we have been searching for all our lives.

Allowing to be controlled, when losing control..is it good? In my case...all control was lost, yet holding on to bits and pieces of the reality that was ours. A reality, only the selfish could have left behind... A reality that was stronger than the beautiful stolen moments in a life filled with sadness.

Moments, that only could come from a fairy tale...moments that could only have been written from an experience only two souls. who were so much alike, could have written.

Was the desire...the passion...the happiness and the love not strong enough to build a forever....were the tears that were shared a way of cleansing our sins...or were the pools of tears we watched meld together...only intertwining our souls more...

Like a pretty marionette all dressed up, waiting for the strings to be pulled... to be brought to life, and to be made dance...its what i longed for...this was also an intoxicating desire for the puppet master a universe away...which could only result in disastrous consequences if the strings were not pulled in sequence..and as planned.

A time now past....a today filled with hope...and an unattainable tomorrow...which may be what we think at this instance in time...yet step away ..and those thoughts of a tomorrow without us...is unfathomable... So what? What next?

how do you cleanse yourself from the strongest, most forbidden, power you've ever felt....a power that is like me...doubled, two that are so much alike...in thought, in desires, in movements, yes the stars are what have made us ...a power that is stronger than every strength we have...until we find reality!

Is it only a dream...a life filled dream from which you know you must awaken, but would give most anything to sleep forever, to relive the dream and never awaken to the reality from which you can not escape.

Our forever...will come...from the unspoken words...something only we could have written...something only we, two, have lived.

Dressing up...preparing the scene for a beautiful tomorrow...painting the landscape to relive what was brought to life in such an uncertain world. Yet, the uncertainty, is what made it more desirable. Empty...yet filled...with endless hopes for forever...

~~~~~~

next step...finish book!

Letting go...of emptiness

Have you ever had something...and it never was really yours? Do you wait...do you hope...do you fantasize for the day it belongs to you?

What is it that keeps us attached to things...is it the desire to make it ours, that keeps us hanging on?

There are realizations we must make. Is what we are holding on to, worth holding on to? Do they fulfill us at every moment. Are the small tastes of what we desire enough? Or are the unfulfilled moments what keep us dangling?

The realization of the impossible may tear us away from that desire for awhile...which may seem like moments in the end. But, when something awakens the feelings...when the memories come rushing back...there we are again. Reliving...desiring...what we want, what we had....if only for a moment.

Are bits and pieces of what we desire sufficient to keep us nourished...do those bits and pieces remain to help us go forward until we are again fed in small amounts. The desire...the temptation... of what we crave with every cell of our bodies. from the tips of our fingers and toes to the tips of our hair......a desire so strong, that when we are finally given another taste of what we so strongly ache for, it helps us to go on... if only for a moment.

Although we may try to control these urges...urges that sometimes guide our every step, our every thought, our every breath..it may be impossible. How are ties cut...who is so strong? I, for one, am not. Cutting the ties means the end. I hold on. I capture what can be captured. If only for a moment.

When the experience you had was something beautiful...how can it be so easy to end, how can it be so easy to go on...leaving it in the past? Although, there may have been moments of pain, the beautiful plays on your mind. And reliving those moments is the strongest desire you may have. I am guilty!

I hold on to things..can't let them go. There are moments when I would love to let them fly with the wind. But the majority of moments I want to hold them close and never let them go. Is it an obsession... I do not know. Is it inevitable... to want to cause pain and in the end know you will feel it as well.

Why is it superior to all your strengths...this is something I so often ask myself.

Because of the empty spaces how will it ever fill you. How can you ever be complete if it leaves you feeling so empty. Is empty enough?

Is it something you'd give your very soul for...is it something you would do next to the impossible to hold it dear...in your heart...and for the moment?

Is it my addiction...because I may now know what a drug is to an addict, a drink is to an alcoholic... just a taste, and I can go on until reality slaps me in the face and drops me on the floor......pain filled, knowing it was not enough...and again aching for the next fix.

Just like an addict...I know what should be left in the past should remain there.

Just like an addict...the desire is greater than every strength I thought I had.

Is an almost yours good enough? Or will this leave you almost empty...forever!

Your world...my world...a place where we coincide in space! We fulfill each other's desires for seconds in time...and go on with a pain filled life....waiting till we meet again! Talking in riddles...talking in rhymes of a world only two will know and understand.

Today...just like yesterday...will pave the way for tomorrow. Hopeful....hopeless...in a world filled with pleasure and which always ends in pain!

♥m♥p♥g♥p♥m♥

Dom....

Dominic...my nephew, my godson.

Today, August 28, 2011... he's not here with us. Today, his birthday! He would be 23 today.

I have been anticipating this day for the last few weeks...knowing that it was going to be a sad day, for me, and everyone who loves him. Today is a reminder of him not being with us. We can't pick up the phone and call and say Hey Dom...Happy Birthday! We can't hear his voice on the other end of the phone...and its sad.

I woke up this morning sad...hey, its Dom's birthday! My first posting on facebook was wishing him happy birthday. As I was posting, I was listening to the playlist of the CD i made for his funeral. Sad songs...songs of loss. Songs that make me cry.

I posted one by Mariah Carey and Lil Wayne... a very sad song. I'm crying as i'm posting, of course. Then I thought...what the heck am I doing...I'm going to make everyone cry. I can't do this to Jess, to my son to my nieces, ...to my mom, my brother and sister, aunt and friends. So I thought what would I play for Dom if he had a facebook account...so I chose the party song! A song I sing to my family when its their birthday because I love acting silly...a song I probably sang to him on his last birthday.

Loss is hard...we've all experienced it. I honestly can't even imagine what Jess and my brother go through. I never want to experience the loss of a child...I don't think i'm strong enough. Just writing those last few words start the tears rolling. So what I write, is through an aunt's eyes. Not through a parents.

My mom and dad lost their son, my older brother when he was 5. I remember my mom was extremely strong. She was the rock, and still is. My dad, openly suffered. I remember the stories he would tell us, and we'd all end up crying. My mom, would cry where we couldn't see her. Although we did often. My dad got hurt on the anniversary of my brother's death...i sometimes wonder if his mind was on my brother, during his accident. Only God knows...

There's a song i listen to often. Its Alex Ubago, Instantes. There is a part that says por que la vida son instantes que se cruzan en el tiempo, la locura mas brillante puede estar ocurriendo por que dandole la vuelta al peor de los momentos abriremos nuevas puertas que nos llevan hasta el cielo... life is filled with instants that cross in time...the brightest madness may be happening if you turn the bad moments over they may open doors that take us to heaven. Its a little hard for me to translate exactly what the spanish version means to me. What I'll do is write what i feel, not word for word.

I believe that it says...when we have bad things that happen in our lives...we have to turn them over...we have to make the best of every situation. And by doing this, it may open doors that actually take us to heaven..and I mean heaven in the sense of the best place possible here on earth. So what we have to do when any bad thing happens, is turn it over, take the best out of it, and try to find peace so can find new things that bring us happiness.

Its up to us to make our lives better. With all respect to Jess and my family... we have to go on. We have to make our lives happy. We have all these little kids that are depending on us for their happiness. We have our moms that have an emptiness that can't be replaced because Dom is gone. But we have to be our best for each other... We were left behind...and we have to make the best of our lives...every day .. Dom wouldn't want it any other way.

Dom had a smile...contagious...and that laugh. If you know Jess, you know Dom's laugh. It made you laugh too. He had a good heart...he was kind. He was hyper, and inquisitive, and funny.

He was my first love. I loved him like he was my own. He was a special little boy, who I kind of forgot about when I had my son. Nothing intentional, just my energies were placed elsewhere. So...my regret is that. But, I know he knew I loved him. And I know he loved me. We used to have good talks when we'd see each other. The last one, was fun, we laughed, talked and even sad things, I gave advice like I always do...and one thing that he always told me was "Aunti Mo, you're too much!" and we'd both laugh.

I'll always miss him. We all will. He will live in our hearts and our memories....and because of that, he is with us always.

Today...i'm thinking of Jess, Baba, Brit, Alejandro, my mom, Rosalie, Angela, Michelangelo, Joseph, Tomas his aunties and all the little cousins that loved him and looked up to him...hey he was the big cousin.

What Dom would want...for all of us, is to be happy. We owe it to him. He made us happy when he was here...and his memory will always bring smiles...hey, how could they not when we remember his beautiful smile with those beautiful dimples.

Here's to you Dom... Aunti Mo loves you...

Why Miami, you ask?

Miami...

In just a few days, it will be 7 years in which we arrived in Miami. Since then, so many things have changed, in our lives and in my mind.

8 years ago, I met a man on the internet, while I was living in Denver. He was living in Miami. We got married a few months later, and I packed my bags, and brought my son here.

When we first arrived. I was excited, yet sad. I missed my family and the things I was used to. You don't realize the things you miss when you relocate across the country.

It was hot, so humid. I felt like I was walking into a sauna when I walked out the doors of my house. I couldn't handle what the humidity did to my hair. I hated it. And I was definitely not happy. You don't realize how bad a hairdo can mess up your life, especially when every day is a bad hair day.

I remember the first few weeks we were here, Hurricane Charley came through. I remember my mom, brothers and sister all calling to see if we were ok. I was so happy the hurricane had passed over...hey, it was fresh air that i was feeling. Wind in my hair, I loved it! When I told people in Miami this, they looked at me like I was nuts. But, I wasn't I was just missing the crisp air from back home.

Later as the weeks went on, I started looking for things like stores, foods, restaurants, things that I had in Colorado. There were a few things I found, but there was a lot missing. I concentrated on what was missing.

I remember going down to Little Havana, where a lot of Cubans live, everyone talked to me in spanish. I felt like I was in another country, definitely not in mine. I felt out of place, because my spanish was no where near perfect.

The beginning was difficult. Mainly because of my attitude. I didn't embrace the different cultures and differences. I was stuck on stupid! I wanted what I had left behind.

Today, 7 years later, I know that it was the best decision I have ever made. I am so glad I brought my son here. He has been exposed to different cultures, different foods, a whole different world. He has friends from so many different countries, as well as our own.

The thing I love here, is I have never felt discriminated against. Back home, if you are latino looking, they think you're Mexican and yes, some do discriminate. Most of us do have some Mexican blood running through us. But we were born and raised here. Here, people have asked me if I'm Italian, Middle Eastern, Columbian, Argentinian, Spanish, even from Poland....I must look like someone they know from all those countries. Hey, I can blend in.

One thing that I have grown to appreciate here, is the spanish language. It's a beautiful language. It's a romantic language, and fairly easy to learn. Although, I still struggle with my verbs and the feminine and masculine forms of the words every day. In the beginning, I felt a little insecure about my spanish, but people are usually very easy going and will usually say I speak it well. I've learned a lot over the years. Writing and reading has helped me along the way. As well, as the spanish channels my ex-husband always had blaring.

Well, of course my parents and grandparents spoke it amongst themselves. I remember we were not allowed to speak it in school. So we never learned it. And, I had no desire to learn spanish. That is until I met someone from Uruguay and I knew I had to learn it, so I could communicate, good thing is he spoke english as well. I also realized how beautiful the language was just by listening to the music. Then, I met a few Spaniards, one who became a big part of my life, and who made me realize the differences of words spoken from one country to another. Now I know that there are words you shouldn't say, that I used on a regular basis back home. Words or expressions that can be construed as offensive. For instance, I won't say "estoy caliente", because I've learned that it means I'm hot, in a sexual sense. Haha...I learned very fast, that I should say "tengo calor". There are other words that the Spanish use that are used in South American that when used they have no where near the same meaning. So I've learned to be careful. I'm glad I've learned from people from different parts of the spanish speaking world. It's made the language a lot richer for me.

When in Colorado, when i left San Luis, I always tried to remain true to my roots. I never tried to erase my accent, or talk like someone I was not. I was never going to be the spanish, latina, whatever you want to call me, girl who acted like those weren't my roots. Today, because of my accent, I've been told that I speak like an American, I speak like a Canadian, I speak with Argentinian accent. Everyone has their opinion. My friend from Spain heard me talking on the phone to my ex-husband a few days ago, and said to me, "I like hearing you speak spanish on the phone," I suddenly asked, do I speak like an American, like a Mexican, someone said I spoke like an Argentinian? He said, no...you speak like you have a heart of gold. Hey, that's all I needed to hear, it made me smile.

One thing about Miami, is there are people from all over the world here. There are many people here, who are here alone. Their families are in their native countries, and they've lived here for many years. Everyone misses home, but after awhile, this becomes home. My friend played a song for me the other day, an old Neil Diamond song, I Am, I Said. What he's singing about is, he is somewhere that isn't home. He relocated, and wherever he is today, its home, but yet it isn't home. He basically feels he doesnt truly belong anywhere. My friend, relates to the song because he left Uruguay and moved to Australia for many years, and now he is back in his native country, but he misses the country that became home for so long. When I think of him and the song, it makes me sad. Sad for him...sad for me. Because in a sense, I feel the same. Miami is home, yet it isn't home. I will always miss the beautiful mountains, and my beautiful family and friends and our beautiful farm. But I am happy now, with the ocean, and the beautiful friends I've made here. I don't have my family here, but they are a plane ride away.

Today, I will embrace the positive, I will smile, and walk through Miami, enjoying one of the places on this earth that so many people flock to.

My Columbian friend and I were talking the other day, about the people in Miami, and she said something like... we choose who our friends are here. We didn't grow up with them, they aren't family, and they've only come into our lives in the past few years, but you choose who you want to have in your life. I've met wonderful people here, Argentinos, Columbianos, Uruguayos, Españoles, Venezolanos, Cubanos, Puerto Riqueños, Dominicanos, Haitianos, etc. etc. and they have all been welcoming. We are all away from home, but knowing each other makes our lives fuller!

Now a days, its still hot, its still humid. My hair is ok now, because I've learned how to handle it. I can deal with my imperfect spanish, I can deal with not finding a burrrito in Miami, and most of all, I've learned that its all a state of mind. Its how we open ourselves to differences and changes. If we keep our minds closed and don't appreciate or at least try to appreciate the differences we were not exposed to previously, then we miss out on so much. Life is full of differences, life is full of change...open your minds...open your hearts and let the good things in. Give people who don't speak your language a chance, accept people who's skin is a different color than yours...teach your children to do the same and they'll have a much fuller life. I've done it with my son, and its the best gift I could have given him...

7 years later... Miami...home for now with no intentions of leaving, yet! :)