A Letter To My Son... I love you.....

To my beautiful son shine..

18 years ago at 3:50 pm, I was blessed with you, the biggest and brightest gem of my life.

You were my miracle...

I had been told I couldn't have a baby. When I was 19, I had cysts on my ovaries and had to have surgery to remove them. Then years later had surgeries to remove the scar tissue that didn't allow me to get pregnant. After numerous surgeries they told me that I couldn't have kids.

In the beginning, it was extremely hard for me

to accept. I was angry at the world. Everywhere I looked I saw babies, kids and pregnant moms. My heart was broken. But, then I got courage...and realized, if that is how it is supposed to be, then I can accept it. I was ok after awhile. Because I had to be.

On April 20, your cousin was born. Your dad and I were there to experience his birth. On my way home from the hospital, I was so sad, because I knew I would never experience this in my life. Your dad and I went home... and we prayed, we asked God to give us just one baby. Just one! We even said, that is all we'd ask for. I think it was the only time your dad and I prayed together...and our prayer was answered.

9 months later you were born.

Since that day, every day has been filled with sunshine.

Watching you grow...watching you learn...and seeing the young man you have become gives me pride.

Life wasn't easy at times, because you and I were alone. But life was beautiful, because you gave me hope each and every day. Hope

and courage. Courage to be a strong mom with my only option being to raise a strong man.

On your 6th birthday, I cried. I cried because I had realized just how fast 6 years had passed. I cried because I thought...6 years have gone so fast, in another 6 years you'd be 12 and six years after that you'd be 18. Wow....18 years have passed, and I can't believe just how fast. What I know...is that each and every day of those 18 years, I knew that I had the best son ever.

I tried my hardest to protect you from negative talk regarding kids who grow up in single family homes. I refused to believe that you were going to be like the kids the media labelled. I also refused to treat you differently, or let anyone feel sorry for you because your dad wasn't around. I never wanted anyone to be a cause for you being weak or blaming anything in life on your dad not being around.

You know, since you were little, you always had a calming effect on me and on others you touched. When you were little, I'd take you to grandma's restaurant where I would cook. You would go out into the restaurant and you'd sit with adults and have conversations with them. It was cute to see you talking with

the older people. They just loved you.

I see people now, and moreso my friends, who see that you are special. I'm so proud when I hear people talk so highly of you, and i believe that what they feel is something you have that shines from deep inside your soul.

Over the years, you've become my friend, in the most positive sense. I can confide in you. I look to you for your constructive criticism and for your advice. You calm me. You make me move, you push me and are hard on me when you need to be. You make me see things from a broad minded perspective, as I think I've taught you to do. Some times you tell me things, that make me realize how I handle matters and it helps me improve myself.

One of the most positive things I see in you is...you have a kind, compassionate heart. I see how you treat older people and children with respect. That is something to be proud of. I have taught you to treat all people the same. It's what grandma and grandpa taught me. Whether they're poor or rich, old or young, they are the same.

Today I didn't give you a shiny new car, or lots of

money. I gave you something to build. I gave you a business. It is up to you to rise to the top. I can't hold your hand, and can't do it for you. It's all in your hands. Use your hands to guide you, as you stretch your arms outwards into wings that will help you soar to the highest places you choose to fly.

What I see now, is the man you've grown to be

. I am truly not worried, that you are going to have a wonderful life . I know you are strong, because you give me strength. I see how you are a leader and not a follower. I see how you inspire your friends. That makes me proud.

My words of advice to you, as I so often have them haha... are, go forth, learn....never stop learning. Whether you choose to become a doctor or a painter or a writer or an RVP. Put your heart in it....help people, while you're working your way to the top. You know I've taught you, that a kind word of encouragement can change a person's life. Be an inspiration to everyone you touch and you'll never have regrets. And, like i've said so often....when people try to break your spirit or crush your dreams...don't ever give them the power to do it.

Remember....like i told you so often about some of my favorite lyrics in a spanish song (haha, you know me and my music)....Porque la vida son instantes que se cruzan en el tiempo. La locura mas brillante puede estar ocurriendo...Por que dandole la vuelta al peor de los momentos

abriremos nuevas puertas que nos llevan hasta el cielo.... life is full of instances that cross in time...the brightest insanity may be happening....when you turn a bad moment around, you open doors that just may take you to heaven....

Don't forget...turn the negative around, whether something bad happens, or someone negative is put in your path....learn from those moments and people...pull the positive...and it'll be you who has the control and by doing this....you will find a happy place!

Always be the positive influence for your cousins, friends and family and business associates. Push them higher...because in pushing them to success in whatever sense it may be...will make you happy!

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. For lighting my world with sunshine and rainbows....with beautiful painted landscapes of what a family is. A mother and her son...we've come this far together. And I'll always be at your side to hold you up when you need me....or even if i'm far away...remember the golden words...You're OK...and you'll always be OK....

I want to say fly baby fly....but it's hard. I put together the video today...and cried.... because I realize what I was afraid of so long ago...I was afraid for you to grow up and leave me. Over the last several years I've prepared myself...and I was ok ...until today that I saw all the memories put together...with all the songs that mean something to us.

Just know I love you from the bottom of my heart and with my entire soul. You truly are my one and only shining star...my sonshine!

Love you....love you....love you.... MOM!

http://youtu.be/SQoZ2sK_kfQ

Happy New Year...Feliz Año Nuevo

Wow...another year came and went. And here we are beginning 2012.

What I see...through facebook comments...is HOPE. Hope for a better tomorrow...for a better year.

I hope we all wrote down our New Year resolutions...I haven't yet. But will do it before 12. I not only have to write what I want to accomplish, but will write a plan, on how I will accomplish those goals and figure the steps I need to take.

We have goals...but we need to map out the road to the things we want to accomplish.

I love reading the hope filled comments today....it should be like that every day.

Every day we should try to rid ourselves of the negative...go to sleep at night with hope for the next day and every day after that.

Why do we only do it at the end of the year. Maybe our lives would be easier if we lived every day that way.

Why are we making new year's resolutions...why don't we just make life resolutions to be better than we are today...then tomorrow continue the cycle. That way, we won't be one of the many, who's new year's resolutions were history by the end of January.

I just googled the top New Year's resolutions...this is the list i found

1. Stop smoking

2. get fit

3. lose weight

4. enjoy life

5. quit drinking

6. get organized

7. learn something new

8. get out of debt

9. spend more time with family

10. help people

wow.... what a list. And it makes me wonder...why we have to get to the end of the year...to make this type of list. Hey i've done it...i do it every year.

But this year...mine is different. I think its because I am different. I'm happy. And i'm not going to stress the little things.

My goals for the year you ask?

1. ACN to the Max

(for me and my team)(TC before my birthday)

2. All aspects of real estate to top producer

(like I was a few years ago)

3. Finish my first book by April 1, 2012

(10 years from when it began)

4. Spain in the fall

5. Love

6. all the desires I have on my dream board

(it's a board i made with pictures of all the important things I want

to accomplish and the reasons for them

through hard work and belief in me)

It's my "WHY" at becoming successful in my goals 1-5 above.

The bigger the WHY...the greater the effort!

My other goals like:

be a better mom

be more organized

etc, etc, etc,

i shouldn't have to plan them...

they should just be that way

because I believe each day

that i am that way!

I truly believe...that how we see ourselves

is how we are...and will always be that way

if you never change your way of thinking

All I know is every day...I have to work on myself...on my goals...on my happiness.

Don't wait till today...to make the decision because its December 31. Make it today...because today truly is the first day of the rest of your life. Today, is the beginning to tomorrow. Today...paves the road toward our goals.

And...if what you decide or try to accomplish doesnt happen the way you expect it to...than shake it off...don't use it as an excuse to continue slacking. For instance..if you choose to lose some weight...and you start hard tomorrow...you're eating right...you're running or dancing or whatever exercise you choose...then all of a sudden you have one of those days that you don't want to move. Hey...its ok! Don't think that you aren't going to continue because you had one bad day...just get up...forget about yesterday and not doing it...and get back on.

Its what I

do...regarding my exercise. Sure there are some days, I go to bed late and since I had to change my wake up time to 4:30, its been a little harder to get up. So there have been days I haven't walked before I start work...but do you think it's my excuse to not exercise again...heck no.. I forget about it, and just do it the next day, or that evening or whenever... Make your decisions a part of your life...don't let the moments you slack, dictate your future.

Believe you can do it... Heck...I could use the excuse that 4:30 is too early to wake up.. but if I continue believing that 4:30 is hard...then i'll never get up. I have to make up my mind...which i'm still in the process of doing...and know that 4:30...is just like 5:30...i'm just 1 hour ahead of myself...and I have 1 more hour to accomplish all my other goals. Its making little goals...and tricking yourself to believe...and in the end it becomes truth...a part of you...a part of your life.

Hey....we have to look for the positive in everything....and the results of my working out are a proven fact that I am not only feeling better, i'm looking better...I am better!

Don't resolve to lose weight, just because its a new year...do it because you want a better you. Don't resolve to quit smoking or drinking because it's December 31...do it because you deserve it...and its what you truly want.

The thing on the top 10 list of resolutions that stood out...was "enjoy life" ....wow, i'm at a loss for words right now...i'm wondering why someone would wait till the end of the year to decide to enjoy life....shouldn't this be a no-brainer? Do we have to remind ourselves to enjoy life...yeah, maybe we do, at times, like when we are so busy, we forget to stop and see the beauty around us...but if we have a positive outlook, wake up knowing that the day will be beautiful.. we won't have to think of enjoying life...because we'll be so lost in the enjoyment of life ...that the thought of having to plan for it would seem ridiculous to us.

So here I go again...thinking...that we need to do things when we realize they should be done...not wait for a date.... and i am so guilty of having done that in the past...i wonder what things i missed out on...

I remember an email I got a few years ago. I can't remember the exact words...but it talked about waiting for certain things to happen before we allow our selves to do something. I remember there were things like..."i'll find a boyfriend when I lose weight" I'll take a trip when I pay off my house..... things like that. And yes...of course we have to face reality, some things are not doable at the moment we want them ...but that is why we have to take action each and every day to reach those final goals. The message in the email was...why do we wait to reach a certain goal before we can accomplish what we truly desire. We may never reach that dream if we never reach the goal. Same goes for New Years...does a New Year have to come, in order for us to decide to be better?

Know in your heart...that you're going to be your desired weight...and your actions will start to fit into motion and you will arrive at your desired goal. Think about that trip you're going to take...don't think of the obstacles. The obstacles hold you back. They cloud your thinking...they place fog ahead of the beautiful landscape. What i'm saying is....if you desire a trip..don't think that you don't have the money today...because dwelling on the lack of money, will only place the trip out of hands reach. Only think about the trip...and everything will work itself out...so that you will be on that plane..on that ship...because everything will fall into place if you believe it. I promise!

So go on now...make your list...not your new year's resolutions list...but your life list....who do you want to be tomorrow...what do you want to accomplish for your future...not just for this year.. Be happy...make a plan...stick to it...believe in yourself... Be positive... and every thing will be ok... I promise

Happy New Year...Feliz Año Nuevo... may each and every day of 2012 and every year after that bring you bits and pieces of a happy life. Look for the good in people...look for the beauty in the world... it'll make every day easier...and your heart will be happier. Don't wait for something to live life... Like I always say...be the best "you" today...and it'll bring a happy "you" tomorrow...and life will be filled with all the beautiful things you deserve.

Signing out...

Leaving 2011 with a smile on my face.... heading into 2012 with a smile on my

face and in my heart... ready for all life's challenges to a better me! GO MO GO!

Merry Christmas...Feliz Navidad

Wow...Christmas in Miami.

I keep saying I need to find the Christmas feeling.

I went to the Mall...see the Christmas lights on the palm trees. But, I wasn't getting the feeling.

I think I couldn't find it, because I wasn't going to be home for Christmas.

Home where it's cold. Home where the snow is. Home, where my family is.

My son and I talked about how it wasn't going to feel like Christmas, because we will be alone. We miss my sister's cookie baking and fudge, my mom's home made bread and empanaditas. Joking with my brothers and brother in law and nephew-in-law. Just talking with my sister, nieces, mom and sisters in law and we can't forget games we play. I can imagine the scrabble game on my sister's table.

And then...Christmas dinner. MMMM...

But wait a minute....Anthony and I are not alone. We have each other.

I can bake cookies...we can crack jokes. I can bake bread and make my favorite pumpkin empanadas. We have each other. I'm the mom and I have to make it just as special as any other Christmas... It's just a different Christmas than what we're used to. But if I don't make it the best...what memories will we have of this Christmas...none...just sadness!

The important thing for each and every one of us, is to realize who we have. What we have, how blessed are we.

A few years ago, when I first moved to Miami. I missed my little nephew soooooo much. One day, I was talking to my friend from Spain, and he asked me how things were going here. If I liked it, etc. I told him I wasn't happy, and I told him I missed my nephew so much. He told me...you have your son, put your efforts into him and not into who you are missing. What he was telling me...is why was I dwelling on something I didn't have, when I had so much with me.

It made me a little embarrassed because I didn't think I was neglecting my son because of missing my nephew. But, it made me think. I was dwelling on something I couldn't have or change at the moment, and I really was missing out on precious moments with my son.

I know, when we lose people to death, even to a break up, its extremely easy to dwell on who we lost. But we need to stop...step back...take a look at what we have and who we are blessed to have at our sides.

And, whether we are near or far from the people we love...we have to make it the best today for ourselves. I also think that in doing it for ourselves, everyone who we are blessed to be with, will have that much more fun...and the most important thing is...we will make happy memories. It's so important to make the holiday a happy one for the kids that are around us. We shouldn't rob them of happiness because someone is not around. The people who are not around, would never want this to happen.

I miss my dad...I miss my nephew Dom. I also am sad because I know my brother can't be with his kids and they can't be with him. My dad and Dom I can't bring back. My brother will be home one day.

Today, Christmas eve...I'll be baking as many goodies as I can fit into the day. Tomorrow I'll make Christmas dinner for my son and myself. Our little Christmas tree is decorated... and I will stress how lucky we are to have each other.

Tell everyone you love...that you love them. You never know when they'll be gone. Take pictures of the beautiful day...because you'll have them to help you remember the laughs and the peaceful moments. And also, you can share them with everyone near or far on Facebook :)

And whether you're celebrating Christmas in the snow or under a palm tree...whether you're surrounded by old friends, family, new friends or alone., have the best time possible. . Smile...be happy. And you'll build a Christmas to remember.

Merry Christmas...Feliz Navidad...

My Birthday....Lucky Me!

Today...my birthday. I'm happy! I am so thankful for another year. But what I'm most thankful for is the happiness I feel at this moment...and who I've become in the last 6 to 8 months.

My life changed this year...I became so much stronger than I had been in all the years past.

I came to a realization of me...and of the world. And I'm happy. I am the best I have ever been emotionally and my body is getting there too.

I've been extremely philosophical the last few months...trying to figure out the whys and why nots of my life. And how to fit them into my future.

My friend's birthday was just a couple weeks ago, he's 2 years younger than me... I told him that we must keep the child in our souls alive. Because, the child in us will always allow us to see the beauty around us even when we are lost in darkness. And keeping the child alive in us will give us the desire and determination to live...and not just continue breathing...but to live life to its fullest...to have fun, to surround ourselves with people that make us smile and make us happy.

We don't talk much about the changes we are going through as we age. But I know we see them in each other just like we see them in the mirror. When we age, its hard sometimes to look in the mirror and realize just how much time has gone by... I don't dwell on it. But, once in awhile...it stares me in the face...it can't be avoided.

I am reading a book The Alchemist. In the prologue, there is a story of a boy named Narcissus. He would go every day to the lake. He would look into the lake to admire his own beauty. One day Narcissus fell into the lake. A goddess came to the lake and saw the lake crying. She asked the lake if he was crying because Narcissus was beautiful and was pursued by all for his beauty. The lake said he didn't know Narcissus was beautiful...what he saw in Narcissus each time he knelt at his banks, was his own beauty reflected in the depths of his eyes.

When we find someone who reflects our beauty, those people are treasures. People who care about us even when we aren't our best. Those are the people worth keeping around. Never let them go....

A couple days ago, I saw someone who I had dedicated my life to over the last few years. I wondered how I had remained in the relationship so long. I never saw life or hope, and I never saw my own beauty.... and it made me realize...some people are just not for us. Some people don't light the fire in our souls.. And when we surround ourselves with people who bring us down...or help us become mundane...its a little sad. When I was surrounded by this, i didn't allow myself to realize what I truly was missing. And no...I haven't found anything since then...but it's opened my eyes to life. My life!

I told my friend this...he told me, ok...everyone is different, which I agree. He knows I don't put people down. But I told him, so many times in life, we stay...because we think its right, or because its all we know. And until we're left standing alone in this world...do we realize all we were missing and all that we need to do to fulfill our hearts and souls.

Life is funny...people come and go out of our lives. I believe the ones that remain or the ones that left and then return...are meant to be there forever. Our forevers. I'm so lucky to have special people in my life. People near and far, who give me smiles...tears, ideas. But in the end...I know that they care about me, and that's what truly matters.

My friend told me...he wishes that every beautiful thing in the world comes to me... I thanked him. But then I thought about it...for just a few seconds...and I told him, that all the beautiful things in life had already arrived. But what I would look for, is something as good, and maybe I'd find something more.

I found a new song...that i've listened to over and over again today. When I find a new song that touches me...I could listen to it all day. When something touches me inside i need to feel it over and over again. Weird...who knows.

The song is Only One..by Alex Band. The lyrics are "one life to live, one love to give, one chance to keep from falling, one heart to break, one soul to take us not forsake us."

My interpretation:

One life to live...yeah that's all. And each moment needs to be lived to the fullest... So many times in life, we place importance on things that really aren't that important. Why can't we all step back...and look at our lives, and realize what is it that is "really" important. The things that make our hearts happy are the things that are important. Things that bring us joy...things that make us smile. Its so easy... so why is it so hard to find joy for so many of us. Because we're feeling sorry for ourselves for something or the other.... I for one have always had a melancholy soul...yet I am optimistic. But the melancholy me...helps me grow. It gives me ideas... just like the optimistic side does...

One love to give... I've loved many...but only one, I can say was a part of my soul. One I would do the impossible for. One who I would walk to the end of the world for. But in life...we may have been so lucky to find someone that we felt could complete us...and sometimes we can't have that person for whatever reason...but then we must go on...to find someone else to make us smile from the inside out. You can never stop looking if you haven't already found someone that makes you feel alive...and if you found that someone and they couldn't be yours...keep your heart open, and if we believe...i think someone else will find their way to us and us to them...someone that will fill all the spaces, the other person did. I'm hopeful...its all we can be.

One chance to keep from falling... we fall daily...but we get back up. Falling would be falling eternally...losing all hope for a better tomorrow...for a better today. So like i posted on facebook.....when all appears bleak,...only darkness surrounds you...open your eyes...the rays of heaven will appear from behind the clouds of hopelessness...the clouds that today smother you with sadness...will tomorrow blanket you with hope. I believe it...even when I feel so completely down...and i have no hope at the moment...deep in my heart and my soul I believe there will be a better moment...today...tomorrow...to come!

I wrote the following to someone I love with all my soul. And its basically how I feel not only for him, but for life and all those that I love. I wrote it in spanish, but will translate to english. The words I quote are from Heroe Enrique Iglesias (spanish version)

...te dejo con unas palabras que significan mucho para mi "POR QUE SALVARTE A TI MIL VECES...PUEDE SER MI SALVACION" y asi me siento...si te puedo traer sonrisas cuando no tienes ganas de sonreir...cuando tu vida esta pesada y puedo quitarte lo pesado...si te puedo ayudar jugar cuando ni tienes ganas de caminar...seria la persona mas feliz del mundo. Nunca lo olvides....

...I leave you with words that mean so much to me "If I could save you a thousand times...it just may be my salvation" I feel that way...and if I can make you smile when you don't feel like smiling...if when your world seems heavy, I can take away the things that weigh it down...if I can give you the urge to play when you don't have the will to walk...it would make me the happiest person in the world. Never forget...

Its not only what I feel for my friend...but it's how I feel for everyone I love and who is a part of my life...whether near or far. If I can make you feel better....if I see you down...I will always try to leave you with words to try to console you...with words to give you hope for a better tomorrow...and yes...by saving you a thousand times...this will definitely be my salvation.

Today my birthday...I'm happy...I'm loved...I love...I'm lucky! And I want to thank every every everyone....for every every every moment of joy that you give me...for the ideas...for smiles...for the tears...for you! Thanks for being a part of my life...of my journey.... I'm lucky!

Things Could be Worse...I guess...

I went to an upbeat training session last night.   Walked out of there with awesome energy.

On my way home I knew something was up.  My son had been texting me asking me when I would be home.  He should have been working...or thats what he said when he got out of school

So...on my way home I prepared myself.   The worst he could have done could be getting a tattoo.  The most horrible, could have been getting in trouble with the law.    

I got home.  He was sitting on the bean bag.   I was on the defensive because I thought he hadn't taken his responsibility seriously, by going to work when he had committed himself.   There was no excuse for it.

So, he springs the bomb on me.   A TATTOO.   Wow...

My first reaction...I was so mad.   I couldn't believe he had actually done this.  Although, he's been talking about it for the last 4 years.   My second reaction, total disappointment.   My third reaction, sadness.   

I never wanted him to get a tattoo as a teenager.   My argument was life...and the things I had learned and also realized throughout my life.  I've always been one that goes to extremes in my style, my hair, my desires and actions.     And through this, I realize what I've done and what I could have done, if I would have had more nerve.

I always used the example, based on what I was so into as a teenager, if I had gotten a tattoo, I would have stars, music lyrics, and styles that today I would be ashamed to have on my body.  We usually end up laughing about what my tattoos would be today if I had gotten one at age 16, 17, 18, 19, 20....something different every year.

Once, when he was about 3, my friend was getting a tattoo on her foot.  So I thought, what the heck, I want one too.   So my decision, because it was the most important thing to me, would be my son's name.  But where? ok.... my legs have always been something I was proud of, so on my leg it would go.  On my upper thigh near that cute little beauty mark and people could see it when i wore my short shorts.    I was going to do it.  I was just waiting for my friend to get her's finished.

But then, my little boy, looked up at me and said "Mom, don't get one".   And it was that easy...I didn't have to think twice...I didn't do it.  Only, because my son didn't want me to.    Today, I'm glad I didn't do it.   That beauty mark, has dropped a few centimeters, and in another 25 it would probably be near my knee.  And for as small as I wanted it, today you wouldn't be able to read it.    I have to laugh.    But it's true...

Ok...to each his own.  I love art.  I love expression.   In fact I'm overly expressive.   But, I just didn't think he needed to mark his body with something that he could never change.   He didn't know where life would take him, and some times these things marking us can limit us.   Sad but true.   

It's all about perception.   The person who sees you, will make a judgement in the first few seconds that you are before them.  Ok...I've always been one who said, "heck with what people think"  But, in this day and age...I've realized we always have to be our best. And i'm not saying a tattoo can make you less...but he's just starting life.   He has no idea where it's going to take him.   

He wants to do modeling or would like to try acting.   Tattoos can be hidden by make up sure...but they can also be the factor that makes them choose someone without a tattoo over you and won't consider you for this or any other role.  Why on earth would he want to be labelled.   

What if tomorrow his tattoo is associated with gang members...then what?   He's automatically labelled a gang member?   

My mind goes crazy with what if...sure I over analyze...but that's just me.  

A few years ago, when my nephew died.  My son  wanted a tattoo of my nephew's face.    Awesome, I love nephew and always will.   But, I told him, he didn't have to carry him around on his body.  He would always be in his heart and in his memories.   I know that sometimes we make rash decisions.  And even during the worst moment's of our life, I didn't think a tattoo proved anything.

I tell him, every month or year, when he has a different idea for a tattoo, because they change every few months.  I remind him about the last idea, and mention if he had done the one previously, he would probably regret it.

I was at the checkout lane about an hour ago, looking at a tattoo magazine.  Sure, I think its awesome honestly.  Pretty pictures on pretty girls.  Hot tattoos on hot guys.    But I think about what they'll look like when they get older.  My son is a kid.  His body will change.   What will happen to the pretty picture if he gets thinner or gets big.    

Maybe I'm just a mom trying to protect my son from regrets.  Maybe I'm someone who is glad that I never had the guts to do it.    All I know is throughout his life, all i've tried to do is protect him from the world and the negative influences.    

Like I said...to each his own.  But, when its your baby, it can break your heart.

I guess this is just a step in the process of "cutting the apron strings".  You can't run your children's lives.   You can only try to enforce the positive and hope that they think before they act.   

I guess things could be worse.   But that does not make me happy with what he did.   I just never want to hear that he regrets it.   I tried to shield him from things, but a mother can only do that for so long.

Today...another day...knowing that I've raised a strong son.   But will continue praying that he doesn't follow all the fads..   Clothes you can change...tattoos and piercings will mark you forever.   

But that's just me talking...thinking...and hoping.    No offense to others who have chosen to do this.  Just thinking about my son and wanting only the best for him and hoping he makes choices that never bring regret...

Today....filled with memories

I felt kinda silly writing what I did today on Facebook.  


This is what I wrote:‎


9 years ago today...i met probably the strongest love of my life, face to face....someone who i can say was the closest thing to my soulmate. Someone...so much like me, in thoughts, in actions, amongst other things. Someone who will live in my heart always....its funny, today i was walking, thinking of the beautiful things I experienced so long ago...and a story... a beautiful fairy tale appeared in my mind. This is not the first time... this person and my experiences with him have brought stories out of me and hopefully someday you can read them! Now I have to write it down!

I wrote it because its what I felt.  But, some may think I'm silly.  ok...I am!  


I sometimes see things written by girls that are love sick...guys that are broken hearted.   And, I wish I could help them.


In no way am I lovesick or broken hearted for this person I wrote about.   I just had to share a beautiful experience I had.


I said i thought of a story, a magical faire tale based on things I was remembering from back then.  Its funny...but so many stories have come from that short experience...yet years long.   My mind is always churning...always creating a story and because of the moments lived before, during and after this experience...they've stimulated the creative portion of my brain to write...

Sometimes special people walk into our lives.  Sometimes, you wonder why and just how this could have happened.  Especially when you're in two totally different sides of the earth. It's fate...what else.   Nothing more...nothing less.   You're meant to be where you are that moment...of course based on our decisions in life and also the direction of the wheel...which places us at the perfect spot...at the perfect moment.


Yeah, I met my special friend on the internet...and with him like with my husband, I was pretty lucky that my intuition about both of them was right on.


I did something crazy even for me...I got on a plane, never had been on one.  And went to follow a dream or a desire...whatever you want to call it.


I got there...first moments were horrible....but the other 7 days were some of the best days of my life.   I was exposed to beautiful sites, and moments filled with laughter and some with tears.  Hey it was a vacation...a time away from reality.  Yet a vacation that could also be a beautiful dream.   When i've told the story in detail to some of my closest friends and family, they are like...ahhhhh...how beautiful...how sad.   haha...now i laugh, because I wonder if my portrayal of my experience seems better because of my story telling abilities or was it what truly happened.   Yeah...it is what truly happened...and because of the incredibly beautiful moments...i have no choice but to tell it like it was.  Hey...another thing is...i don't lie lol


When I left that island...my friend said we were abandoning the island and  it would be lonely without us.   I have to laugh...because honestly, I left a big part of my heart on that island.     And he knows he did too.


When I say we are so alike...i mean it.  We are both the same sign...we over analyze, we think too much...we can read each other, we are Sagittarius...and if you know anything about our sign, you would know its us.  And only until recently i began to read about my sign, because i never wanted to believe in the stars before.

I talked to him today, as I so often do.  We laugh...we joke...and we remember...in fact he remembers more than me...in much more detail.   Which is fun, because, for me its like discovering a treasure that was lost.  


I wrote something else in facebook, but in spanish...that said... sometimes the things we can't have in life seem the most beautiful...because what we hold on to, are the beautiful moments and we forget the reality of those experiences.   It's like a dream or a fairy tale...but its best to leave what you can't have, in the past.   Although sometimes, it can be difficult if we continue to relive those moments over and over again...its difficult if we choose not to let them go...and even more difficult when you have that other person staring you in the face or speaking the beautiful words that entrance..  Another thing that makes it difficult for me...is the music.   The music brings it all back.   

I realize the good...i realize the bad.  I say, that until the day I find what I had then...if its possible...and i believe it is, I won't ever let go.   I hold on to everything...you'd be surprised at the things I have.  Its a treasure box filled with beautiful things, beautiful moments, both happy and sad...


Yeah...call me silly....i'm an open book that's not afraid to be read.   I know I'm not alone in what I feel today...and that to me is what matters most. 


When i talked to him, I reminded him what today was...he paused when I said it.  And then he sighed...and said he couldn't believe so many years had passed.  I can't believe it either.  I thought we would see each other at least once a year.    During those years I got lost somewhere...but I won't let another go by without going back so we can have that cup of coffee and my favorite sorbete de limon...and look into each other's eyes, just one more time.   But then I wonder...will that be enough.  Hmm...   


To be continued....