I posted something about people who are with someone who constantly talks.
I've learned over the last few years, that most men don't hear all we say. They listen, and hear, but don't process it or hold it as something definite. I learned it with Anthony. I would say 1, 2, 3, times that we have to do this, that, when, why, how, etc etc.... sometimes just talking to myself as I have a lot to do and think about... especially when there is a big party, do this, that, when, by what time, you do this, i'll do that... etc etc... And that's a lot of noise. Heck, and I'm just his mom and business partner.
Most of the time he doesn't remember. As his son's mom, told me the same. And I thought hmm... is it a man thing? But, then again, many men never stop talking. Always joking or being clever, or wanting to give all the information they've learned in one long constant swallow of words.
Yup.... so, as I thought about this. And it being just one of the many things I've learned about men, with my son. See I've been married 2x, one for love, the other, to get over someone else... Both being 2 of the best things I've done because of what they brought to my life, 1- Anthony and 2 - Miami. I was young and dumb for both... didn't use the brain I had... just did what I thought I learned from example growing up where most everyone was married. Now divorced 14 years ago... and working, finding my way, and trying to learn every day about life... women, men and relationships... wanting to understand, what happiness is and how to truly be happy in relationships. All relationships, I guess.
So, heck... I used to talk so much. Always wanting to share what I was learning, wanting to school people and expose them to another way of thinking. Covid made me crazy... literally, as I tried to wake everyone up in my writings/postings to whoever I talked to in person. Until I realized, most aren't even listening, they're just waiting for their moment to tell all they know.
I even put up a sticky, by the table I sit at at the restaurant that said "just nod" I felt it was useless to tell anyone what I knew, because most can't or won't see past what they believe. The sticky note is gone, but I've learned to keep my mouth closed.
So back to men... and how they think, or process. Ok, many are like women, who retain every detail and will repeat it over and over. Many, who don't. I learned in Spain, from a quiet man, a respectful man, who listens to me... and wants to listen to all I have to say and all my beautiful stories... but he too needs to talk. So Mona, the forceful, controlling of all situations, is learning to mellow out... and just let people be, without voicing everything I have to tell. My gosh, I was so noisy in all my talking of what I had learned and wanted to share.
They say, something like, when you listen to others talk, you learn. When you talk, you never learn more than you already know. Although, whenever I'm speaking, I am analyzing everything I say, which many times brings new ideas or questions about what I'm spewing. Just like I veer off, so often from one subject to another...
And in telling others our stories, experiences, or what we've learned, they say, people only understand at their level of understanding. One time I told my friend Juli, I was frustrated with Anthony because he wasn't listening to all the positive recordings I was playing every morning, full blast, in the house, to inspire him. She said "the teacher will appear when the student is ready" a Buddha quote I believe... I heard her, and stopped trying to ram all that inspirational stuff into his brain... And yes, one day, he began playing or quoting what I had so desperately wanted him to learn.
My brain works funny. When I read, I can only read a little, then my eyes get crossed... my brain starts to hurt, not literally. But, I can only process a little at a time. And during conversations, that are mostly one sided, I begin to veer off and it's hard to hold my attention. But 2 way conversations, are so enlightening, so uplifting when we respect the other's opinions and really listen to them. I guess it's like going to school, when we can participate, we retain more, I believe. When we are lectured, our minds end up somewhere far from where we're sitting.... unless it's something that inspires us greatly.
Anyway... you're tired of my rantings... and yes, I can write and rant and rant and write forever.... but I'll stop. But again, I believe men think differently than women do. And sometimes, we women think we aren't being listened to... but maybe it's because all we do is talk talk talk... and they're thinking of going fishing... or whatever else makes them happy. Sometimes we have to stop and know... we are not alike. So we have to stop expecting them to be a certain way. Anyway... my thoughts on life. Happy Memorial Day! Make good memories <3
