Monday, September 16, 2024

Whatever Happened to Critical Thinking Skills?

 



Were we ever taught this in school?  Did our parents or friends or work associates ever stir this in us?   Or are we so complacent, we believe everything we are told?   


Isn’t it human nature to question things?  Like, if I go around that mountain, will there be carnivorous dinosaurs or mild mannered dinosaurs who only eat plants and I won’t seem tasty to?   I’m often left wondering how people do not search out more information and are just so willing to follow the masses off the cliff.   Or why so many are so easy to jump on whichever bandwagon comes along, that has the lights, colors, and decorations they identify with yet never question if what they see are just masks on the people they want so badly to identify with, never questioning anything.    


It’s crazy to me, how I have seen so many jump on the Kamala bandwagon, and have forgotten of their first, almighty Biden.   No questions, asked, just immediate bowing down because they hate the other option, never even considering the third, who now has chosen which side he is on, based on his love of this country.    


Hatred, is what causes, people to steer so quickly in the direction away from the one they hate.   But, why do they hate him?   I ask myself why I hated him, and know why, because I believed him to be nondiplomatic and afraid he’d start world war 3 because of it.   Which he didn’t.   We’re only closer to it after Biden and Kamala took office, sending billions to countries to support their wars.   Now the warmongers like Cheney, of course will endorse those in favor of war, because hasn’t he benefitted big time from the Bush wars?


I saw something the other day, that made me really think.   Andrew Tate, who many will immediately call a misogonist.   A man, who started from nothing and because of hard work and maybe luck, now is a success.   A man I watched to begin with, wondering why people called him a misogonist.    He and his brother keep getting arrested for human trafficking, left in jail with no charges for months, then let out.    In all I’ve seen of him, I like his messages, to men.   He builds strong men with sometimes harsh words.   Harsh words that would make a softie feel extremely inferior, in an instant.    But, as I think of my son, and how I want him to always be a strong man, with a backbone, I would rather have him teach my son the harshness of what it takes to be a strong man, who can provide for his children and be a man throughout his life than an injured cry baby sally with tons of excuses as to why he can’t do what men have to do.   Human nature!   We were taught these things since the beginning of time.   But today, men are told they can be and act like women, which to some may be ok, but hey, the best way to bring down a civilization.  And it's ok to take on the title of "weakest man alive".


 So, anyway….   He said this, (in my own words, as I can’t find the video).  He said, don’t you notice that those who speak out against the system, are charged with rape.  He mentioned himself, Donald Trump, Julian Assange, and Russell Brand.   Then he went on to say, but those on Epstein’s list have never been charged with anything.    Then I thought of Diddy/Pdidd/Puff Diddy, whatever you want to call him, and the stuff that was going on about him with his sex trafficking, how Ciara came out and told all the things he did to her, and they raided his house, but he was not arrested or charged with any of the things Ciara accused him of.   But, they find women, somewhere in the pasts of these other men, to come out and charge them with rape.     Then I heard a few days ago, about the Super Bowl line up, and who the star attraction was.  They talked about Lil Wayne was mad because he was not chosen, as it is his home town.  But they went on to say that PDiddy/Puff/etc was in charge of the line up.   I wondered, huh?   Didn’t they arrest him or weren’t they after him for all he did, all the accusations of him ridding the competition?  Nothing, and they’re still putting him up at the top to choose the almighty Super Bowl’s music line up… Which is big time in the music world.    


These things make me wonder, and it’s why it’s so easy to be a critical thinker, because it is so blatant as to who is persecuted or who is not.    The tellers of truths or people who cause the masses to think, are persecuted.  The people who go against the grain, who are not the puppets they need to keep the masses fed and distracted, are propagandized to be disliked…. Or better yet, hated.    It’s so plain to see.   But most don’t see….  And that’s where critical thinking comes in.   People don’t like to question, they’re happy nodding to the beat of the tune, that they know, never thinking maybe the lyrics or something just may be off.    But, as I write, some will get it.   Most won’t..   The critical thinkers will know what I’m talking about, the complacent will not.   This is Chinese to you if you do not have the ability to think outside your comfortable little box.  The comfortable little box, that you hope never changes, but we are not in the dark ages, we are in the age of everything exposed if we just turn the page.   But most won’t ever open the book, they’re like broken records… remember when a record had a scratch and the same thing played over and over as the record made its rounds?    Yeah, that’s most people… because they don’t have the balls, backbone, whatever you want to call it, to question anything.  Afraid to ruffle the feathers of their most faithful followers, there little clicks, it’s better to be a follower than to bust out of the matrix… yes, our self imposed prisons.  


Oh, but how wonderful to be a part of the world where we all are so intriguing that we give our friends and family things to wonder, and things to discover.  How wonderful to have an open mind, that we allow information, never taking it as truth, but figuring out how it makes sense, or does not, based on our never ending search of knowledge.  I say, that one of the most heart breaking things in life is the realization that all we loved and believed was not how we perceived it to be.    Like growing up and thinking your family was the best and not like the other families you heard of or experienced growing up, and then realize your family is just the same or worse that some.    Now, that’s heart breaking.    Heartbreaking is loving someone so much, then they cheat on you like you never mattered at all.   All illusions and beliefs broken.    Your best friend, or people you trust with everything, and loved with all your heart, being revealed as the biggest back stabbers and people intent on destroying your livelihood or reputation… now that’s heart breaking.  So, imagine one day realizing that the politicians and the country you love and its government, just isn’t as pure as you believed it to be, with all your heart.  Now that is heartbreaking.    But, many can’t stand the truth.   They hate the spreaders of the truths they are holding on to so tightly.    So maybe. Those people, for sure aren’t ready to face reality, and only care about their own little worlds, that they think one or the other will keep them comfortable in.   


Anyway, you can’t lead a donkey to water and make it drink.  You can’t teach an old dog new tricks. And an old goat will eat anything you put on its plate.   Just as long as you don’t ruffle the feathers of change, or give the mind food for thought.   Sad, that so many can’t see anything outside their realm of hatred, so they never see the clearly painted picture of how things are, however heartbreaking they may be.


Sometimes I wonder why I am how I am.  Sometimes I wonder why I question so much.   But then I wonder, was I always like this.   The first time I remember being like this was when they wanted to put my nephew on Riddlen the drug used for hyper kids to sedate them in school, so they can be manipulated and looked past so they aren’t a nuisance in school.    Then came 2007 when I stopped watching the news, realizing how it was hurting me, with the real estate crash, as I was a realtor.  I couldn’t let the negative hurt me more in my chosen industry of work, and because of it, I made the most money I have made in my life.   Then came cancer, and all my beliefs saved me.  My rebelliousness is what saved me I believe, my questioning, my research, my desire to know more, and my open mindedness allowed me to accept the advice and medical procedures outside the western world medical system, because I was lucky enough to accept the path of holistic medicine.   And with all the cancer, and realizations, and my biggest belief system of who I thought would be there was crushed into a million pieces, which made me realize most of what we believe is not how it seems, when put to the test.   And it brought out the most important, and only important, leaving the rest in the ashes of what I once believed and would have done everything for to save.   NO longer, the same…. And along came covid, and it’s when I really learned about how the media controls people, as most turned into human bobble heads, doing everything their news commentator told them to do, they bowed down to the Almighty heads of state telling them what to do,  I saw the abuse of this so called pandemic, the way I predicted how it would make people lazy, and most of my foreseen predictions came true.   Only because I thought of what could happen.  Foresight.   It’s like a mother looking at her child and seeing them play with matches, or climb the front of the book case, using foresight and worst case scenario or best case scenario as to what could happen next.    That simple.   We all have it in us, I would hope.   But then I started reading my horoscope or looking at things that talked about all that consists of my birth chart.   Sagittarius, Gemini, - curious, always looking for knowledge, adventurer, creator, intellectual, inspiring, … and so many more positive things, and what I will definitely identify with.   I know some of the same sign, who are similar, but some who are opposite.  Moon sign is what consists of our mentality, 


And that’s the end of the story…. I don’t trust.   Was it because I’ve been hurt so much before.  Was it because I’ve been around the most shady people, who smile in my face and try to convince me of the good they are doing, when it’s only good for them and theirs, only using me as a stepping stone as they use their “poor me” ways to manipulate me?  

Saturday, August 24, 2024

THE WORDS MY HEART BLEEDS...

 



I believe you know when my heart is writing.
I believe you feel my words deep inside you when my words come from the heart.
The heart...
signifies love
it signifies life
In life, without love, who are we?
The blood runs though our veins
but when love fills us, there is a heat running through our bodies,
making us filled more with life.
When I'm in love.
When I'm broken because of love
I write.
Beautiful words, and words written between the lines,
and only those who know me or truly know the love I am feeling
know the meaning.
When I love,
I love with all my might
with all my being
with my soul
and yes, with all my heart.
There are no boundaries, there are no limits
and maybe only once in my life I have realized just how far I'd go
And when I write, there are no rules
I forget about sentence structure, and paragraphs
and punctuation
I write in riddles,
I write to the rhythm of my heart
I forget to capitalize and I add dot dot dot...
just like my heart goes on.
My writings could anger a scholar of words
or someone who believes to be superior to the things I write
But I can care less,
because I write what I want
and I write for those who can make sense of the beautiful words
that spill from my heart.
A hopeless romantic, romanticizing what could be horror stories to some
I wear my heart on my sleeve
to be critiqued by some and loved by more.
I honestly don't do it for anyone but me,
oh, of course for the one I love,
as it's why Forever... was written.
So I don't care if you love it or hate it.
It's mine.
And I choose what I want to share with the world.
And am so thankful for those who can read my words
and understand because just maybe, they too have loved so deeply.
So take it or leave it,
the words my heart bleeds
are just another love story
in the valleys of broken hearts, and happily ever afters.

Friday, August 23, 2024

Only One...







 

I've been thinking a lot lately. Analyzing myself, my life, and how I care so much, but then sometimes could care less. My thoughts about life, about dreams and goals, and how we sometimes won't do the things we want most, and sometimes nothing will stop us in whatever we want to do.

I was wondering if maybe, we have unfinished business with certain people. And even if they were in our lives just a short time, like a winter romance.... but remained in our hearts and thoughts for decades to come... Is it easier to keep someone in. your heart and thoughts, someone who never hurt you, who was kind to you, who made you smile and laugh and so much more, all positive in your heart and mind and never broke your heart? Is it easier to hold on to those people, because there is no negative to dwell on? 

This last week my heart has been heavy, and my mind consumed with thoughts, with memories, with anger toward myself. Anger, because I didn't do what I wanted to do. And if you know me, you know when I truly want to do something, there is nothing that will stop me. So, I question, did I really want what I wanted or did I think life would wait for me until I was ready, which i never was. And now that I am the most ready, I can't do what I wanted so bad to do, for so long. The music plays, and I can't be without it, as it comforts me, and consumes me with memories, and it's a good thing, because it's helped me remember so much. Places, times, words, and happy feelings. A glutton for punishment I call myself, although, I needed to awaken these memories, because I had forgotten so much about that time in my life. 

I'm realizing, that getting older is time passing. And time passing, without working on what we truly want, will only keep passing, leaving us with only disappointment of what was not done. People die and they're gone forever. And first Bob dying, and me feeling so bad for not calling him just to say hi, has really bothered me. Then Tippy dying, and now I'll never get to find him and smile with him. Tippy's death has really bothered me. i think it's the death that has bothered me most in a very very long time. I hadn't seen him for a lifetime, but knowing that I didn't reach out, when I could've, just really is bothering me. And, I've realized that I don't have any more illusions or dreams to find anyone else from the past. Maybe because most people I can find in a heartbeat, on social media or I have their phone number so there's not the fantasy or illusions romanticized of making it happen. 


And, it's like the wings of the last remnants of my youth have been clipped, making me feel empty in a sense. And now all that remains is the music. And yes, anger toward myself.

On Tuesday, talking to My Miguel was a usual day. Then Wednesday, he told me I was different that day and the day before. He wondered what was wrong. I didn't want to tell him anything, I felt it was silly. But, acting as I always do, not feeling like I was hiding something. I was the same old Mona. But he knew... And all I could think of was he knows me more than I thought he did. It was a little creepy... or maybe not creepy but it was very intimate, or deep or in a sense frightening to me that he knows me so well. And all that was communicated were written words, when he said it. Then when we saw each other, I especially tried not to show anything, because I didn't want to talk about it. 

I have a long letter written to him, to tell him everything, to tell him he knows me more than I ever believed, from so very far away. Because he's the one who knows, that nothing stops me when I want something. I think he's the only one who will understand, because he knows my heart like no other. So, I don't know why I don't want to tell him about this silly love song... And maybe, just maybe, he's an example of someone who never hurt me, someone who made me smile and only filled me with good memories, and who remained in my heart from 10 years before until I had to go find him again. And 12 years later, here we are... 2 locos sin sentido. 

Life... What I've realized this week, is we only have one life. And it goes by so fast. And if we don't do what we want so deeply, then something could happen, which will never allow us to accomplish the simplest of things. 

Someone told me a story. He said it was from the Bible. I later looked it up and it was different from how it was told to me. But, the way it was told to me, was how I needed to hear it, so that it would make sense to me based on how I think and who I am. It was God giving 10 coins to one man, 5 coins to another, 1 to another. The first man used his coins to invest and doubled his coins. The second man did the same doubling his coins to 10. and the 3rd man hid his coin. When God came back, the 1st man showed him his 20 coins and God told him to keep them. Then the second man showed his 10 coins and God also told him to keep them. The third man took his only coin from where he hid it and showed it to God. God took the coin from the man. And what was explained to me was God gives us talents for us to use, not to hide them and be greedy with them. And what I took from it was if we don't use our talents they are gone. If we are greedy, we will never have abundance. 

So, all these things going through my mind this week. Knowing if we don't do what we truly want, we may never be able to. And if we don't use our talents, they are lost and only visions of sugarplums dancing in our heads become never accomplished illusions. 

So... do we sometimes need bad things or sad things to wake us up? To hopefully awaken things that will fill our lives, with what we desire. And, of course to live... because we only have one.

And like my favorite lyrics of a song "we've got one life to live, one love to give, one chance to keep from falling. One heart to break, one soul to take us, not forsake us, only one." 

Only one....





A Sweet Winter Romance A Lifetime Ago





He had the sweetest sad eyes. he came into Wilson's Leather shop at Cinderella City, where I worked. He walked in with an entourage of about 8 girls. He was pretty popular back then. And oh so cute. I was 21, he was 19. He flirted and I was probably shy and embarrassed. Heck he was with all those pretty girls, and he was so cute, how was I supposed to act at 21?


On the weekend, we went to The Pub to dance, and I was dancing on the dance floor and I saw him near the entrance with his friends. I saw him watching me. I was with my friends and in those days wasn't very daring. Later on he made his way to me and we talked. I don't remember what we said, I just knew he was super cute and had swag... swag was not a word we used in those days... but he was cool and oh, so sweet.

We started seeing each other. He was in the South Side Steels, a gang of cool guys who lived near Ruby Hill. he lived on Navajo... on the corner is what I remember. He was fun, we went to south side parties, and danced the smurf on those raised dance floors, that looked like wood pallets and we cruised and listened to SOS band, Midnight Star, he liked Al Jarreau, and he was who got me into my first metal song. Foolin by Def Leppard. He took me to meet his parents, and his sisters, who were all so pretty. I don't think his mom liked me. But, she collected clowns, and they were beautiful and it's when I started collecting them. He was fun, and going out with him and his friends was a little wild, kind of reminded me of the Eastsiders in Springs. Hey, I always loved the bad boys. We dated for awhile, had fun. One of those kinda young love romps while the music is playing becoming the soundtrack of your memories.

Then one day he came to me and told me his ex was pregnant. It was the end of us. I was sad, but not heart broken. And I believe I wasn't heartbroken because I knew what he was doing was the right thing to do. And I respected him more for doing it, because I truly believed at that time of my life, there was no other choice. I never got in my mind, all the scenarios that could have played out if he hadn't gone back with her.

I saw him a couple times after that once when my car was getting fixed, he saw me at the station and stopped. I gave him my number. Back in the day, when you moved to a new place, your phone number usually changed. We didn't really have ways of keeping up with someone if they moved a lot. And that's what I did. He called me that night, but I was with the new guy I was seeing. He wanted me to leave, and go see him. I said I couldn't and told him why. I always regretted not leaving that night. The last time I saw him, I was on 26th and Sheridan, going east. It was a Sunday. I was at the stop light. And he was in a truck, passenger side, driving down that hill... He saw me, and instinctively reached out as to grab me, hanging his head and arms out of the window, then reaching back toward me as he got further away.. and I instinctively reached out, stretching my arm out the length of the windshield. I wished so much that I had been alone that day. But what would I have done... who knows.

Then I fell in love and got married, and A few years later I moved to San Luis, but always wanted to find him just to say hi. Back in those days it wasn't so easy to find someone. Then came Spain, and then MIami, and now back to Colorado, I used to think I'd have my cousin call him for an estimate and I'd be there when he'd show. But I never made time or had the nerve.

Yesterday, my cousin sent me a screenshot of a post that said another South Sider had died. It was him. I looked at his pictures, and how he aged, and how the sweetest sadness remained in his eyes. I loved his eyes, and how he looked at me. Only 2 men have ever looked at me like that, Tippy and My Miguel. I don't know if what I saw was sadness or was it desire... i'm still trying to figure that with My MIguel, who hypnotizes me when he looks at me. He treated me sweet, and I know he liked me like I liked him... a lot.

I won't forget him, heck i hadn't in all these years. I wrote the other day, that there are people who leave huge marks on our lives and in our hearts. And I believe those who brought music to me, and were a part of all those songs, made an even bigger impact on me, than any others. And some were only around for such a small amount of time in the grand scheme of things. And, he was one of the very few who did... he at one time was the sweetest love song, and now, there's no one else to look for. No more unfinished business or another hi or goodbye. I always said, he was the one who got away. The only one... The past is gone... May he rest in peace, and may he fly with the angels.

Monday, May 27, 2024

ARE THEY EVEN LISTENING?


I posted something about people who are with someone who constantly talks.

I've learned over the last few years, that most men don't hear all we say. They listen, and hear, but don't process it or hold it as something definite. I learned it with Anthony. I would say 1, 2, 3, times that we have to do this, that, when, why, how, etc etc.... sometimes just talking to myself as I have a lot to do and think about... especially when there is a big party, do this, that, when, by what time, you do this, i'll do that... etc etc... And that's a lot of noise. Heck, and I'm just his mom and business partner.

Most of the time he doesn't remember. As his son's mom, told me the same. And I thought hmm... is it a man thing? But, then again, many men never stop talking. Always joking or being clever, or wanting to give all the information they've learned in one long constant swallow of words.

Yup.... so, as I thought about this. And it being just one of the many things I've learned about men, with my son. See I've been married 2x, one for love, the other, to get over someone else... Both being 2 of the best things I've done because of what they brought to my life, 1- Anthony and 2 - Miami. I was young and dumb for both... didn't use the brain I had... just did what I thought I learned from example growing up where most everyone was married. Now divorced 14 years ago... and working, finding my way, and trying to learn every day about life... women, men and relationships... wanting to understand, what happiness is and how to truly be happy in relationships. All relationships, I guess.

So, heck... I used to talk so much. Always wanting to share what I was learning, wanting to school people and expose them to another way of thinking. Covid made me crazy... literally, as I tried to wake everyone up in my writings/postings to whoever I talked to in person. Until I realized, most aren't even listening, they're just waiting for their moment to tell all they know.

I even put up a sticky, by the table I sit at at the restaurant that said "just nod" I felt it was useless to tell anyone what I knew, because most can't or won't see past what they believe. The sticky note is gone, but I've learned to keep my mouth closed.

So back to men... and how they think, or process. Ok, many are like women, who retain every detail and will repeat it over and over. Many, who don't. I learned in Spain, from a quiet man, a respectful man, who listens to me... and wants to listen to all I have to say and all my beautiful stories... but he too needs to talk. So Mona, the forceful, controlling of all situations, is learning to mellow out... and just let people be, without voicing everything I have to tell. My gosh, I was so noisy in all my talking of what I had learned and wanted to share.

They say, something like, when you listen to others talk, you learn. When you talk, you never learn more than you already know. Although, whenever I'm speaking, I am analyzing everything I say, which many times brings new ideas or questions about what I'm spewing. Just like I veer off, so often from one subject to another...

And in telling others our stories, experiences, or what we've learned, they say, people only understand at their level of understanding. One time I told my friend Juli, I was frustrated with Anthony because he wasn't listening to all the positive recordings I was playing every morning, full blast, in the house, to inspire him. She said "the teacher will appear when the student is ready" a Buddha quote I believe... I heard her, and stopped trying to ram all that inspirational stuff into his brain... And yes, one day, he began playing or quoting what I had so desperately wanted him to learn.

My brain works funny. When I read, I can only read a little, then my eyes get crossed... my brain starts to hurt, not literally. But, I can only process a little at a time. And during conversations, that are mostly one sided, I begin to veer off and it's hard to hold my attention. But 2 way conversations, are so enlightening, so uplifting when we respect the other's opinions and really listen to them. I guess it's like going to school, when we can participate, we retain more, I believe. When we are lectured, our minds end up somewhere far from where we're sitting.... unless it's something that inspires us greatly.

Anyway... you're tired of my rantings... and yes, I can write and rant and rant and write forever.... but I'll stop. But again, I believe men think differently than women do. And sometimes, we women think we aren't being listened to... but maybe it's because all we do is talk talk talk... and they're thinking of going fishing... or whatever else makes them happy. Sometimes we have to stop and know... we are not alike. So we have to stop expecting them to be a certain way. Anyway... my thoughts on life. Happy Memorial Day! Make good memories <3



Wednesday, May 22, 2024

Me, Myself & I

 



5.5.25.  2:00 a.m.  oops.  It’s 5.5.24


My friend We asked me today.  “Who is Ramona, who is Ramona, really”   After a few seconds, I replied,    First, there are two of me,   The hard me and the soft me.     The soft me is magic.   The soft me is romantic and sees the beauty in the world.   The soft me makes things beautiful and romanticizes everything.  The soft me believes in love.    And the hard me works, and sees the ugly in the world.  The hard me has been hurt and it’s made me stone and it’s hardened me   It’s built walls around me to protect me from what I once believed to be beautiful friendships, beautiful family love and the disappointments and belief in people.   The beliefs I held so close to my heart and believed in with every ounce of my being now just shadows of that softness I long to be.  


I went back and thought of my weeks in Spain last fall and remembered I felt soft, and happy and I was all I wanted to be.   And then when I landed in Texas, I felt I had literally transformed.  I felt only one thing.  Hard.  And I remember wondering.   Is it because I’m speaking English    Because my voice changes.  In Spanish I am soft.  In English I am hard.   Literally.     In Spain I wrote and spoke of love and I smiled more than I had smiled in years.   I get back here and I have to become romanticized by music or get lost in writing love letters and fantasies or love stories to become soft again.  


Of course I’m going on more here than I did during my conversation with my friend.   Because I am thinking of who I really, truly am.    I began writing now on another note page I have of a story I’m writing and one of the chapters will be Me, Myself and I….


So who am I .   Truly….  Ramona, Mona, Mia.


Ramona, the hard one who protects and provides.   Mona, me,   And Mia, his.   Or is it just Ramona and Mona Mia.  Only 2.     I have to think about that.  Because Mona is all things beautiful that Mia has brought to life.   Mia has given Mona life, in all my childlike innocence, it lives, she lives, they live.   


The soft side of me is the best part of me and the part I wish I was always.  Mona, Mía …. The one who wants to love and be loved.   The one who wants to create and bring to life all that makes me and the ones I love, smile,    Ramona holds people at a distance.  Mona is free and invites everyone in.    Mona Mía is playful, and curious and wants to discover and share all that is beautiful.   Where as Ramona guards all things she loves afraid the world, the insincere will only tarnish all she holds dear.  Tired of being disillusioned. Tired of putting efforts where others will take but never nourish to make better.  So why try.    


Mona, Mona, Mona Mía…..   oh if i could write stories, I would write of beautiful loves songs, and dancing in the rain, walks on the beach with the love of my life at my side.   The running, the laughing, the adventures and days end in his arms.    


She also asked me what I found so attractive or what I saw in him truly, as I talked about all I am when I’m with him.    I couldn’t speak of specifics.  I could only speak of what he makes me feel.   Peace.   Even in all the turmoil or inquietude, he is peace.    One day many years ago as we lay in each others arms he said when he is with me he has peace.   I didn’t think much of it at the time, but now I know what it means.    And peace is what Ramona seeks, to always be Mona   And Mia, is the cherry on top of that sky high mountain of sweet cream over raspberries and blackberries wrapped In a crust so flaky, you get lost in the flavors of life.    


Mia.  Mía.  Mía.    His his his… no reasons, no justifications, no understanding.  No understanding.  Just love.  Pure and simple love.    Unconditional, at its best.    A fantasy, algo incansable.    Untouchable, yet touchable.  Like taking a small bird into my hands and speaking to to as I look into it’s eyes but having to let go so it lives as it’s meant to live.  So we live what is meant to be lived.  Until the day arrives when we are free to live all that we’ve dreamed and fantasized about (Listening to Soñar by Shalim as the teardrops take me back to Ibiza).    


It’s funny how a song can wrap me in the words of my heart.  They spill but the tune or song changes and the words hide,    


Are we all 2 people.  The survivor overpowering the soft person we dream of being.     Soft for a man, is it peace?    Soft for a woman, is a whirlwind of all things beautiful?   Kind of like the little fairies in Sleeping Beauty with their pretty dresses, can spin all things into perfection, in an instant.   Whether it’s a snack or full course meal, a picnic on the beach or side of the road.   A lit candle, or a song to lighten the room where the two of you will find peace.     A smile, or that certain look in your eyes that will bring him to his knees.  The soft scent of your favorite fragrance that makes him wild as he pushes his face into your hair searching for your neck to kiss.     And then, allowing him to be his masculine self in the planning and the fixing, as you watch him smiling with pride that he is by your side, if just for a moment, he feels all a man is meant to feel.   And you, run your fingers through his hair. Pushing that strand of hair that always finds its way to his forehead.   Pushing forward to kiss him for his efforts in making everything perfect and bringing the peace, you long for every day, to life.   


Is it love that makes us soft?   Do we become pliable?   Do we flow freely?   And is it then that the world truly becomes beautiful.  No reason to be hard.   Maybe.   Because it is then that the child in us is allowed to come out and play.   You know the one we become when we have no limits.   To run and play, to smile and laugh till we fall on the floor.    I believe so.  Because when love is lost, or there is an absence of love, we become hard.     Justifying, and hiding all our vulnerabilities that, in our minds, makes us weak.    


Is that why people don’t talk about love, until love is talked about?  Is that why strangers tell me of their love stories, when I tell them I’m writing a love story.  Are we all so hungry to be soft.  Are we all just so desperately wanting to feel loved and to love with no limits.   And when we have an instant to tell our stories, the words and emotions pour from us like the opening of the gates of a dam so ready to release all of its waters.     


Love….  Life…..  we live it and allow it to form us


But, the only thing I can say is I always want to be soft.    


And I wonder, his love of my stories, listening to my words that create far away lands that always lead back to him, is that his way of always falling in love with me over and over again…..   I think I veered off, but yeah.   Yeah yeah…. Mona. Mona. Mía….    (Only Ángels -still in love).  Ibiza Ibiza.  One day we’ll be in Ibiza,..