Today....

It's been awhile...

since I sat down to write a blog.    No...its not that i don't have anything to say...it's i've been a little busy...... :)   The good kind of busy...of course!

I was reading an old blog of mine...from about 6 months ago.   I read it, and even though the words were so familiar, and I recalled the feeling I had that day when i let the words pour from me were not what i was feeling today.  And it definitely wasn't anything I had felt for months.

I realized something back in November...when I got back from Spain.   I was listening to a song.   A song that I loved and listened to daily before I went to Spain....its a song of letting someone go.   It's in Spanish, called Adios Dulcinea by Mago de Oz...it's an amazing song.  The lyrics touched my heart and meant so much to me just a few short weeks before that.  

What I realized that day was the words that made so much sense to me ...the words that told the story of me, and letting go...no longer had the same meaning.  

A lot has happened since my last blog.   The biggest and best thing was going to Spain.   I went there to relive all I had lived on my previous trip.

It was different, of course.  I was not with the man, who I call my Miguel, who introduced me to the island of Ibiza.  I was with my son.    I tried to find all the places my Miguel had taken me.   I wanted to eat the same food, drink the same drinks, see the same sights that had changed my life.   And most of all I wanted my son to see all that I had seen.

He loved it.   I loved it.   I had fun driving in Spain, we laughed a lot at the mistakes I made.    The food we ate was good, and the sights were beautiful.   From the beaches and the coves to the old part to the port, were amazing.

Our second leg of the trip was to the town where my Miguel lives.   I loved every part of it.  It was historic and modern, surrounded by mountains.   I felt I was home.   I hadn't in many many years felt so comfortable somewhere.   I didn't worry, I was happy.   I can't say if the happiness came from the town itself or if it came from being close to my Miguel, something i had longed for, for so many years.

I wondered why i hadn't come sooner.   I wondered why I had stayed so long in a marriage that had no meaning whatsoever.   Today, i think of the empty person I was married to, and i amaze myself that i stayed.   Oh well, i guess everything happens for a reason.

Since my visit to Spain, i haven't had a moment of wanting to let go of what Miguel and I have.   Our relationship has become fuller.   Its strange, but I feel like i know him better than, than i knew him the last 11 years.   We haven't lost what we had before i went, we have only made it fuller.     

Yesterday was Valentine's day.    A happy day......at least it started that way.  I woke up happy...full of energy... then i got the call from Spain that i love to get.   We talked, we laughed... and we dreamed.   Our dreams never stop... although we've tried.   And my belief, is we will continue to dream.....it's really all we have....

So today...I am happy, because I have a wonderful life.  I have my son, my work that keeps me busy....and I have someone special on the other end of the world...  And did I say I have tickets to Spain ...... :)