I just read a blog about a woman, who found love letters to her husband, that she had written many years before. They reminded her of who she once was and who she had become. And it also set her in motion to bring that person back, who she had lost, which in turn made her happy and her relationship better.
I did the same thing about 4 years ago, during a time when I felt like a dead woman and had for the 7 years prior to that day.
I found deep down, in a drawer the journal I kept on my trip to Ibiza. I read it. Then I began to read all our love letters, which I had saved. I'm a bit nostalgic and keep everything that means something to me. lol
As I read them, it gave me this energy, the words filled me with the emotions that once were the best things I had ever felt in my life.
I needed to find that again. I needed to be that girl that he had fallen in love with, because I too was in love with me. During the years I say I was a dead woman, I had really let myself go. I had gained 30 pounds. I was working at home, and there would be days I wouldn't put my make up on or even straighten my hair after showering.
I was unhappy.... so unhappy.
I usually would not let the man who brought all the love and adventure to my life see me when he'd look for me. He lived in Spain, of course, me in Miami. I lied saying it wasn't me on the computer when he'd write to me, just so he wouldn't ask to see me.
What it was, is I couldn't let him see the person I had become. Unhappy, overweight, and now I was wearing reading glasses. That meant getting "older" right?
So... that happened before I found the book I had written in...of our love, our adventures, our sadness, our happiness.... us!
Well... one day I had enough of him looking for me. I said...ok...here goes! See me the way I am now. So you can stop chasing me. Yeah me... ready to scare him away, I opened the camera, uncombed, no make up, and wearing reading glasses.
I was like... see me, see me...see me how I am today. I am no longer the woman you fell in love with. Now you can go away, stop desperately wanting to see me....I'm not who I used to be... so just stop.
What happened you ask? ...... he was happy. His happy self to finally see me. But to realize what I did that day...tells me this... I was so unhappy with myself that I was willing to lose...or better yet, push away the thing that really brought me the most happiness in my life.
So, when I found the book and it reminded me of the time I was my best...my happiest, I knew I needed to find me again. I knew that I only had one life... and what was I doing, wasting it away feeling sorry for myself....being angry... and oh, so sad.
So I made this promise to myself...that I was going to go see him again. That I was going to be the girl that made him crazy, the girl he loved seeing serious and silly. and I started....by losing weight... by going out...by buying cute things to wear.... by finding in me the fire that had so long ago died.
The exercise changed my life...it gave me confidence because I began losing weight. I became happy with myself. Then I started reading, all those positive books that helped me with my thinking.... which in turn resulted in my actions being changed.
It was like I was reborn. I became me again. And he remained the same...crazy for me. Which gave me that added push. I was determined...determined to be the very best I could possibly be, so the next time I had the opportunity to walk toward him.....i would be perfect.
And, that day 10 years later... I walked into that cafeteria, where he leaned against the bar with the glass of juice in his hand. He saw me through the mirror, turned and he smiled. I approached him in a polkadot, frilly, short skirt, that tight black top with the low neckline that hugged my body and accentuated my biggest assets lol... the one I had worn 10 years before when I was with him. Those heels with ankle straps that made my tanned, muscular legs look maaarvelous... And I strutted, as I tilted my head, because of the slight embarrassment I had because of the men who turned to watch me walk. The song "A Thousand Years" played in my brain as I approached the man I had dreamed of for so long... and what did he do......he kissed me......stared into my eyes, with that look I never forgot, that playful smile appeared on his face, and he took me by the hand, and we escaped...... just like in the movies.
Yeah...just like in the movies....we escaped!!!!
Many moments have passed since them, some happy...some sad... But that's our story. Melancholy Happy Us.
What I realize is this...and i know that after reading that book, it changed my life and brought me back.
Today, I again, need to be reborn, because I've let myself go physically again. And... if I want to write the next chapter of this story... I must be my best. Or I will lose out on the best.
So many things have changed in the last 4 years... I am the most successful I have ever been, I have finished my book, I am in the process of publishing it.... I still work at home...but each and every day I get up, shower, put my make up on, straighten my hair... and dress in something cute, even if not a single person sees me... I feel my best!
I made a list.... and found something that is almost everything on that list... so now... what? What???? Do I dare ask that question......... haha...... Now the only thing is to be even better than I was before. Because inside I am better than before... and what's inside shines through..... and will take me higher in the next chapter...which will be just like the movies...... with happy endings...
So, my advice to you is this... go out... or stay home... find something that reminds you of how you "used" to be, if you're not very happy with the you, today. and, think of how you laughed, how you shined... and take a step to be what you were......only a better version, because what you've learned over the years is only going to make you better.
Don't let the you, you've become stop you from life. Live again. So, that means, each and every day...pick up a self help/inspirational book, find an inspirational video on youtube, listen to it in the morning...wake up and know that today is going to be the best one this year...and go to bed knowing the day you lived was the best...but tomorrow will be even better. Give thanks for all you have... replay all the good in your mind... rid yourself of those old dumb negative stories that you can't change...they're dead and gone. Today is a new day...so shine...... and keep shining... And 6 months down the road... please tell me how it affected your life... because i know I will only hear happy positive stories...if you do what I tell you.
Ok...now back to my title and questions... Who Are We? .... that's only up to us to define. Who we were is not who we are today... but, if who we are today is someone we are not happy with, then we have to look to the past, and see what made us who we were when we were most happy. Today, we need to reinvent ourselves....because we'll never be who we once were, we're wiser and have had experiences we should have learned from... So like I said, we have to reinvent ourselves...revive that dead person in you, bring back the spark, and be today, a part of the best you in the past, with the best you today...and the result will be amazing. And the process will be so much fun.... I promise!!!
I'm going to make a promise too... today I will do something for me...something to improve my health.
Be your best.....and the best will be waiting there for you. And this I know and believe with all my heart and soul...
And did I tell you......Murcia in December........ and later I will tell you all that will happen. This trip should be very interesting...
Smile...be your best... because the best is yet to come....
ohhhh........and find that child in you... and let that kid come out to play!!!! And Dammit....just dance! or take a bubble bath lol.......
Crazy Mona is probably what came out of your mouth when you saw that picture below... yup yup yup.... crazy...happy me.... even when everything is less than perfect!!!! Because dammit... I have to be!!!
<3 <3 <3 <3
