It's kinda funny...

I met someone the other day...who reminded me of someone I love very much.   He resembled him, he was from the same country as my friend.  And he was also a Sagittarius.

I was psyched...thinking, i could maybe replace him with this other person.

He had to be like us...all Sagittarius...and because my first friend and I were so much alike...i thought maybe this other guy would be too.

After a few days...talking...learning about each other's likes, dislikes, etc.   His true colors started to show.

Ok...he is in Spain, where the economic crisis is bad.    I understand and feel bad for them.

So, this guy isn't doing well financially and he has a bad back.

I'm very compassionate and understanding of these things.

Yesterday, i asked him how he was.  He said he was worse than the day before, so I asked why.   He said he didn't have to explain his situation every day, I should know already.  Ok.   I tried to let him know, i thought something bad had happened.

Then, later I said, how are you...he said do i have to tell you again.   Then I finally said...even when I don't have a lot of work...I am worrying...I am sad...and someone asks me how I am, I always say fine.   He said, that i was lying to people if I said I was fine and I wasn't.   I said, why do I have to tell people about my negatives...when most people don't care...and if they are people that care, after you say it so many times, they get tired of hearing it.

So...then i got a message on my messenger and the ring tone I have a short clip of my favorite song.  He says...come on, now you're going to start playing that music.  It all sounds the same.   Ok...this had me pissed off already.   My music is such a big part of me...and anyone who knows me...knows that I listen to all different music...but there are some songs, that you will always hear if you're around me enough.

So then...he starts talking to me about my book.  And about the area I am basing it on...giving advice on the decade my characters are living in.   But as we're talking I pull out a book of an author from the same area he is from.  I see a name in the book, that I really like for a woman in my book.  Not the main character but someone else.  He said, if you use that name, they'll know you are lying.  Ok.    Then he tells me to find famous people from the area I am interested in, I do that.  He pulls out an artist and tells me to find her. I do.  But on the page of pictures I found the most gorgeous man.   He is perfect for the main character of my book.  I get super excited...and want to know who this man is.  I tell him about it...then he laughs at my character and what he is.  So...strike 2.   Big strike 2.

Then I start looking for women and men's names in the region to find what is most common in that area.    He's sending me movies to watch, regarding the dress of the decade I am interested in.  But my mind...is always wandering, and so i start saying names on the list...hey I was intrigued.

He said, enough with the names....watch the movie.   I finally told him....you are so negative...you are giving me a headache.  He backed off.   But I couldn't take it anymore...

What it made me realize, is not everyone is alike.  Of course..that's a no-brainer...but someone looking like someone else...speaking like that person...and born the same month... and they're nothing alike.

Yeah i guess I'm trying to replace, what i'm leaving behind.  But days like this...make me not want to leave it behind.

There are few people who understand me.   And when I find someone that understands my quirkiness.... i found a friend for a lifetime.

My music is such a big part of me...my first friend...tolerates my music...he has learned to like what I listen to, he knows how it affects me.   He never has anything negative to tell me.

He loves...the fact that i'm always thinking...always figuring something out...always finding a story to bring to life...in words...in my actions.

I can be me with him....and everything I have inside escapes...i don't have to hold anything back.  I can run and play...i can laugh and cry...i can dream....and he loves every part of it.   He brings the best of me out of me....   He has given me so much passion for so much in this life...

There's a song...by Laura Pausini...Escucha Atento (listen attentively)  There is part in the song that says - a nadie mas dije amor....desde entonces ninguno encontre que se parezca a ti, que se parezca a mi...por dentro.   busque en cada boca entontrar tu nombre...     I haven't called anyone else my love...and since then i haven't found anyone who is like you..who is like me....on the inside.   I looked in everyone to find your name....

Its what I've done...   I am searching for his twin...  Someone who can tolerate me.  I'm not that difficult..but someone who can tolerate my dreams and aspirations...who supports me in my ideas...who doesn't put me down, because I want to start a nontraditional business...who doesn't think my ideas for books...are silly or stupid.  Someone who wants the best for me...and encourages all that i do.

Someone who loves me from the inside out...someone who I can run and play with...who I can lay on the bed and look at the ceiling...and together we can dream..   Someone "who tries" to understand me.   In that, I will give all my heart, all my soul....i will give everything.   It's so funny....that's all it takes for me to fall in love.   Funny huh...

The other day, I was with my son and his ex-girlfriend and I was talking..dreaming...you know...i was being me.   She said something like "that's weird"   initially i got a little on the defensive...and then said...creativity to some is weird...and then i used Johnny Depp...he's weird I said, but i believe he is creative.     Usually some artists, writers, musicians, actors are weird...they have to be to bring out things that entertain the "normal"....

I love being weird...and i love more when someone knows exactly where i'm coming from.   I have many special people in my life who understand me.   And who I can speak to from my heart...because their hearts and dreams and ideas escape too...  I actually think it's something special.  So when i meet people who have this in them...i am so intrigued and entertained and i usually keep them in my life for a long long time.

Yeah...it's kinda funny....all it takes is being understood... or is it being tolerated.   Not sure...

All I know...that in finding someone to make me smile from the inside out...it's hard not to compare them to my soulmate...  when he looked at me...i could do no wrong...i was perfect...my silliness was appreciated...my seriousness was appreciated...  And all this brought out so much in him, as well.

I don't know how to end this...a part of me wants to go back...but a part me has to go forward.  Well...the only direction is ahead of me...taking the things i've learned from the past, and enjoying every moment someone special is placed before me.    But, where do you find people like you...where do i find people like me.   lol

I guess that goes back to something i read on Facebook....    stop looking for that person...do what you love...and the one you love will be there waiting for you.

So is it writing classes...photography classes...theatre classes...screenplay writing classes....  I guess so...   It's time to get started...Now's the time!

Setting something free...

They say something like:

Set  someone free, if it comes back, it's yours...if it doesn't, it never was.

It makes a whole lot of sense to me.   And it's what i've chosen to do, with something that my mind knows i should set free, but my heart just won't let go.

I've done it many times in my life...sometimes people came back, but if they take too long, you realize, they really didn't mean that much to you after all.  Hey, and what the heck....if they left, then why do you want them back?   

I once read, that after a break up, men get on with their lives, they date very soon, they party it up,  hanging out with their buddies...looking for all they thought they were missing when they were "attached."   But after a period, they realize what they lost and that's when they start missing and wanting it all to be back the way it was.    It also said that women, will cry, sing the blues, feel absolutely horrible after a breakup.   Then little by little they start to go out, they start to see other people, they start dating.   Then they forget about what they had.    Not feeling horrible anymore...and stronger to go on.  Totally opposite reactions...and i'm sure this can play out in an opposite manner, depending on who broke up the relationship.

You have to wonder...  why is it like this.   I guess it's the man/woman thing...like the book Men are from Mars and Women from Venus...or is it the other way around.   I'm not sure.     

Men and women just don't see things the same.    I think what women need to do is educate themselves on how men really think.   Don't we have those guy friends and our brothers that we hung around with...and knew exactly how they thought.  Well, that's probably how your boyfriend or husband thinks.    Guys too need to educate themselves on how women think.

I've learned a lot with my son.   I think from an emotional standpoint...and although he has a heart of gold and can see outside the box of the typical "guy way of thinking".    I've learned from him.     

I've had friends in my life, that can leave a relationship and just go on.  They seem so strong, the only kind of emotion they have for the one they left behind was nothing, unless the one they left behind did something horrible to them, then it's all hatred and bitterness.   And that's not all of them...but some.   Hey, its hard to get over something when someone wronged you.    

I've also had the friends who can never get over it.. I think I'm more one of those people. I always have to reason, and figure things out...that's just me, not only in relationships, but in how people work and function.    I swear, i should have been a psychologist.   Haha!   but, in a way it's been a good thing, because I can see why people are the way they are...I don't just judge someone because of a certain action, i want to know what brought them to that point.   Even when the most horrible of things have happened, I've done it.   

Anyway...back to setting something free.     I read something the other day on relationships.   It said, if someone wants to go...let them go.    Don't hold on... and both guys and girls do it.   But, setting them free, will in a sense set you free.    It will help you to go out and find things to make you stronger...     Don't dwell on it, although you probably want to scream and cry...do it.... then wipe your eyes...change the playlist on your ipod...to one that makes you happy...and take one step...one baby step, at a time....and go on.   

Then....what's meant to be will be.    Either you'll find something on your path of freedom....or it just might connect that path back to the person who wanted to be free.    

Sometimes, we need a change.   Sometimes we feel smothered.  Sometimes, we aren't seeing things eye to eye.   and freedom from that person is all that we see that brings us hope.    

So, its good sometimes to take a break, or distance yourself for awhile.  Don't panic...know its for the best.    Look at yourself, as if someone else was looking at you and judging your actions and ways.   If you were someone else looking in, what would you think of you?    then if there are things that you aren't liking...are you too demanding, have you lost your desire to look good for yourself, have you gained weight and aren't happy.  Are you grumpy, .... there are so many things that we can become when we become complacent...     And when i say do this, do this with open eyes....some people think they're perfect and have a reason for everything they do....let go of those reasons and become a better you!

Now if you've seen yourself through open eyes....then make a move.  Improve those things that are negatives...start losing weight, be happier, more patient, less demanding...or whatever it is that you're doing, that may have pushed the other person away.   

You'll be a lot happier when you change those things about you.  Because as I always say....Be your best and you'll find the best.   Whether it's a career, a life changing opportunity, a new love....  and hey, it just might bring the old love back.   

I for one...once I get over someone I loved...I can't go back.   Not because of anything...only because I've grown and am not that person who was with the other person before.   It's happened many times in my life...I would be in love, it would end, i'd be sad for awhile....but then after awhile...some tried to come back....but I could never do it again.   Not sure why.... I guess it's the growing and maturing thing.   And maybe seeing things through open eyes...

So...now to the part of "if they come back, they are yours, if not, they never were"

Some times people come into our lives.   That touch the deepest parts of our soul...   and it's hard to let those people go.   Even when they aren't around.    

When we can have our freedom to step out of the situation for awhile...to think about what we really want....  It may be all we need to come back to what we really never wanted to leave...   I've done it with only one person in my life.   Well, maybe 3, lol.   But in totally different situations and points of maturity in my life.   

So I wonder now...where will my decision take me.   Today, it'll take me to the beach...where I feel free, and it's what I love most in Miami.   So when I'm doing what I love most...I'll find what loves me most...waiting for me.   Who knows...it might be my soul mate....because i truly believe in soul mates...cuz i'm leaving one behind as I write....   But I just may find all that I love...the sand between my toes...the wind in my hair...the waves hitting my feet...and smiles from strangers... music in one ear...the sound of the ocean in the other....and then i'll top it off with an empanada de carne and a cup of cafe con leche.    

Yes...I am determined to find...what is meant for me...   And who knows...what I let go of at this moment, just might fly back.  He always has...because this isn't the first time.   Crazy...yeah...maybe we are.   But, when someone special enters your life...it's kinda hard to let go, unless the time comes...and up to this point, the time never came, although we tried...

So here I go....to the beach!   See you there...    Be happy when you have to fly, happiness is what will be the air in your wings to keep flying!