Following my heart...I never went wrong.
A few weeks ago, I was talking to my son's father. I told him the two times in my life that I made decisions with not thinking very much, they were the best things in my life and totally changed my life.
He said, ah, when you married me was one of them? I said no, but now you've made me realize there were three. Since, I married him only after knowing him 4 months. I told him that if I had not married him, I would have never had my son because I wouldn't have lasted that long. lol
Anyway... the other two things that changed my life were the time i got on that plane. My very first time on a plane, headed to Spain, to meet a stranger I met on the internet. A stranger that turned into the love of my life...the man of my dreams. The man who changed my world not in only how i looked at the world, but how i felt about myself and totally changed my likes and dislikes when it came to men I was so used to dating. This trip changed my entire life to this day. It is what I give most thanks for. Not only for him, for what i learned from him, but what i learned about the world. I no longer fear to venture out... although I'm still a chicken at times.
The 2nd was moving to Miami. Yeah, i got married and moved here. But moving here was the 3rd best thing I ever did. The marriage was a stepping stone I guess. There's not very much to write about, due to lack of inspiration for those 7 years. Even now, to look back, there's nothing. Blank, boring, nothing. But, it brought me here, and I am so happy to be in Miami. And honestly the only thing I took with me are the few recipes i learned during that time.
I read today, my friend on facebook is making a decision and my friend spoke about making the best decision for the children.
I commented follow your heart, you'll never regret it.
Then i started to think because of another comment. something like do what's best for the kids.
Then i really started to think and analyze myself and all I had done when it came to my son.
Wow...
Me looking in. At each and every choice I made, I would have thought I was crazy. And my honest advise to myself would have been, you are crazy, why on earth would you do it.
Heck, I look back and really can't believe I did what I did all 3 times...
1.... to get married after 4 months, knowing everything I did.
2. going to Spain to meet a stranger.... never had flown before, never had been on a trip so far from home, and I was alone.
3. coming to Miami, uprooting my son, who was 10 at the time. Coming somewhere where we really didn't even know the man I was marrying. He could have been a horrible person, and we had no one here. No one to run to. No security...like I had at home.
When my son was young, I raised him alone. My life revolved around him and work. I worked and went straight home to him. I had no friends except at work and my family, although i knew everyone in town. Then one day, I thought to myself... one day, he is going to get big and you're going to be all alone, if you continue to only work and dedicate my life to only him.
So, i started hanging out. Maybe where I shouldn't have been hanging out, but it was the only thing in that small town. Then I stopped. I say it was my mid-life crisis time. Because one day i woke up and knew that if I continued to do what i was doing, then my son would think that was normal and I would grow to be an old woman sad and full of regrets if he lived the life I was leading at the moment. So I stopped. Just like that... I stopped.
I remember when my son was small... I never wanted to leave him with bad memories of me. I remember hearing about someone who had a few kids and would take different men to her place all the time. When I heard the story, I wondered about those poor kids listening to what could be going on in the room next to theirs. I promised myself I would never bring men to my house and let my son know different guys, just because I wanted or needed company.
So I never did it. Even when I got married, I always worried about my son. Funny huh...but i had to protect him always.
I guess what sense I'm making of all of this is: I took care of my son as best I could. Maybe I wasn't the perfect mother, working hours and hours and hours, but I always knew he was with someone that loved him, whether it was my mom or my sister.
Later on because of my choice of profession I was able to be home for him.
I have no regrets today. Maybe when I made my choices, of going to Spain and coming to Miami, they were not in his best interest. Heck, I could have gone to Spain and met a serial killer and my son would have been alone without me. Or I could have come to Miami and horrible things happen. I guess I'm lucky, and I know that when I followed my heart...although I do question whether it was my heart I was following or was it running away from something so strong that my heart felt, when I came to Miami....they were the best things I ever did.
I won't say jump when you have the opportunity.... but if you hold back for everyone else...then maybe you'll regret it always. Because I have no doubt that everyone that reads this has a good head on their shoulders...
Again...when i think of what I did, i still shake my head in disbelief. Yeah, brave, crazy, call it what you'd like. But, if I hadn't done this, I can only imagine who and where we'd be today. And even thinking of who I was before, i am a million times happier with who I am today. And, in thinking of my son and all that has happened over the last years... i know he wouldn't be the man he is today.
So go for it.... do things that will open your world. Think and analyze and get to know people before you make a commitment. I was lucky in my 2nd marriage that he wasn't a weirdo or a mean person. But some aren't so lucky. So think...then do. But don't stop because everyone else thinks its the right thing.
There's a whole world out there.......waiting for you! Have fun while you're finding your way to happiness... and don't forget that all those moments of happiness on your way are what sum up a life of happy!
I am....
