The other day I read something by Paolo Coehlo, "Waiting. That is the first lesson I learned about love." But, that's not what stuck in my head. I read the words written, but my heart read " the greatest thing for love you can do.... is wait."
People wait for love all the time.
It made me think of people whos loved ones are in the military and they wait for them to return home. It made me think of people who have loved ones in prison and wait till they are home. There are so many times we wait for people we love.
I waited once for someone I loved, who was in prison, and I was faithful. Then I know others, who couldn't wait a week. I guess this holds true not only for prisoners, but for people in the military. Some will wait...others won't.
What I wonder is whether it's the persona's personality that makes them move on, or is it because the love really isn't very deep.
What I truly believe is if you really love someone, you'll wait. If you don't love them, then you shouldn't waste your time. But, at the end of the day, it comes down to being upfront and admitting it and not leading someone on.
Wow.... waiting. I't what i've done for so much of my life.
With my first husband, I waited...for change...for him to return from prison. I waited... and in the first 4 years of my son's life... we only were with my ex 11 months out of 48. But I loved him... I guess I'm the type of person...when i love, I don't need anyone else. I am content, with life...pushing toward my goals, taking care of what needs to be taken care of....content. Hmm...
The other day my son's girlfriend asked me about My Miguel... and said, you need to move on, why are you waiting.... it made me think. Was I waiting... or what exactly was I doing?
On April 1, 2002.... i met the man, who has been the man of my dreams...and to this point has been the love of my life.
In the beginning, when we fell in love..... it was beautiful, until reality wouldn't let us be together. He's a good man, and it's why I still love him today. I couldn't love him, if he were any other way.
I wrote earlier, that we justify our actions... and just maybe I have justified, what we have by saying he is a good man. But he is...although many would not understand this... many could.
I haven't waited for him for 12 years.... after the first year I ran away and got married, thinking that I could find the love i felt in someone else. But that was a mistake, although in a mistake, I found where I was meant to be, Miami.
But, over the last 3 or 4 years that I found him again, not that he was ever lost, but when I realized what I had left behind or tried to leave behind, i allowed him back in my life...... And, yes, in a sense, I have waited. And no, not for him, but for life to happen.
hmmm.... i got me thinking....then of course analyzing me....
How could I wait... why would I want to be alone...why am i wasting my life for someone who is not here... But then I realized.... I have changed, yet I've remained the same. Changed in the sense, that I don't need anyone to occupy space around me, I don't need a man to support me financially or for company, or for anything. I only need a man that loves me, and who I love, with every ounce of my being. I only found that once... and in all the craziness, I know he loves me......and I continue loving him. And I won't settle....just for company or all the other things, some may think they need, when they're lonely.
I also said... I've also remained the same... in that I don't need more than one man to make me feel whole, or desired, or satisfied, or needed... I'm not searching for validation from any man...
I think to myself, that maybe waiting all those years for my ex-husband to get out of prison and be home... that it taught me how to wait. It may have been what prepared me for the life i'm living now.
Life....it's funny.... we are always chasing something... like chasing a butterfly that escapes just as you are about to capture it... But, no, I am not chasing anything in this sense... Because I know I've captured something, I never knew possible. Call me crazy......and yeah, the crazy in love kind of crazy is what I am.
I told him yesterday on our 12th year anniversary :) that still after 12 years he has me crazy. I had read that if a man can't make you crazy, then he shouldn't be in your life... not in those exact words, in something much more graphic and intimate words...yet I could relate. Is this what keeps us chasing after each other? I don't know... but yet I know... what you can't have, is sometimes worth chasing, if you can capture it just for a moment, it lives on in your thoughts and in your heart, forever.
The life I lead is so simple... I'm so very blessed...and so i'll continue doing what needs to be done. I truly believe what is meant to happen, will happen. If I'm meant to be with him, I will be..... if not, someone will cross my path and knock me to my senses.... and only then, do I think I could go on without him..... Hey it takes one to forget the other....... that only works if the next one is better... I know that from experience..... so..... lets see what happens. And in the end... the truth will be told...
(p.s. it's funny, the two photos i put up are just that...waiting...for him to arrive... the top one hanging out the hotel window. and the bottom one, waiting at the cafeteria, I was definitely happy)
