Dom....

Dominic...my nephew, my godson.

Today, August 28, 2011... he's not here with us. Today, his birthday! He would be 23 today.

I have been anticipating this day for the last few weeks...knowing that it was going to be a sad day, for me, and everyone who loves him. Today is a reminder of him not being with us. We can't pick up the phone and call and say Hey Dom...Happy Birthday! We can't hear his voice on the other end of the phone...and its sad.

I woke up this morning sad...hey, its Dom's birthday! My first posting on facebook was wishing him happy birthday. As I was posting, I was listening to the playlist of the CD i made for his funeral. Sad songs...songs of loss. Songs that make me cry.

I posted one by Mariah Carey and Lil Wayne... a very sad song. I'm crying as i'm posting, of course. Then I thought...what the heck am I doing...I'm going to make everyone cry. I can't do this to Jess, to my son to my nieces, ...to my mom, my brother and sister, aunt and friends. So I thought what would I play for Dom if he had a facebook account...so I chose the party song! A song I sing to my family when its their birthday because I love acting silly...a song I probably sang to him on his last birthday.

Loss is hard...we've all experienced it. I honestly can't even imagine what Jess and my brother go through. I never want to experience the loss of a child...I don't think i'm strong enough. Just writing those last few words start the tears rolling. So what I write, is through an aunt's eyes. Not through a parents.

My mom and dad lost their son, my older brother when he was 5. I remember my mom was extremely strong. She was the rock, and still is. My dad, openly suffered. I remember the stories he would tell us, and we'd all end up crying. My mom, would cry where we couldn't see her. Although we did often. My dad got hurt on the anniversary of my brother's death...i sometimes wonder if his mind was on my brother, during his accident. Only God knows...

There's a song i listen to often. Its Alex Ubago, Instantes. There is a part that says por que la vida son instantes que se cruzan en el tiempo, la locura mas brillante puede estar ocurriendo por que dandole la vuelta al peor de los momentos abriremos nuevas puertas que nos llevan hasta el cielo... life is filled with instants that cross in time...the brightest madness may be happening if you turn the bad moments over they may open doors that take us to heaven. Its a little hard for me to translate exactly what the spanish version means to me. What I'll do is write what i feel, not word for word.

I believe that it says...when we have bad things that happen in our lives...we have to turn them over...we have to make the best of every situation. And by doing this, it may open doors that actually take us to heaven..and I mean heaven in the sense of the best place possible here on earth. So what we have to do when any bad thing happens, is turn it over, take the best out of it, and try to find peace so can find new things that bring us happiness.

Its up to us to make our lives better. With all respect to Jess and my family... we have to go on. We have to make our lives happy. We have all these little kids that are depending on us for their happiness. We have our moms that have an emptiness that can't be replaced because Dom is gone. But we have to be our best for each other... We were left behind...and we have to make the best of our lives...every day .. Dom wouldn't want it any other way.

Dom had a smile...contagious...and that laugh. If you know Jess, you know Dom's laugh. It made you laugh too. He had a good heart...he was kind. He was hyper, and inquisitive, and funny.

He was my first love. I loved him like he was my own. He was a special little boy, who I kind of forgot about when I had my son. Nothing intentional, just my energies were placed elsewhere. So...my regret is that. But, I know he knew I loved him. And I know he loved me. We used to have good talks when we'd see each other. The last one, was fun, we laughed, talked and even sad things, I gave advice like I always do...and one thing that he always told me was "Aunti Mo, you're too much!" and we'd both laugh.

I'll always miss him. We all will. He will live in our hearts and our memories....and because of that, he is with us always.

Today...i'm thinking of Jess, Baba, Brit, Alejandro, my mom, Rosalie, Angela, Michelangelo, Joseph, Tomas his aunties and all the little cousins that loved him and looked up to him...hey he was the big cousin.

What Dom would want...for all of us, is to be happy. We owe it to him. He made us happy when he was here...and his memory will always bring smiles...hey, how could they not when we remember his beautiful smile with those beautiful dimples.

Here's to you Dom... Aunti Mo loves you...