Today...my birthday. I'm happy! I am so thankful for another year. But what I'm most thankful for is the happiness I feel at this moment...and who I've become in the last 6 to 8 months.
My life changed this year...I became so much stronger than I had been in all the years past.
I came to a realization of me...and of the world. And I'm happy. I am the best I have ever been emotionally and my body is getting there too.
I've been extremely philosophical the last few months...trying to figure out the whys and why nots of my life. And how to fit them into my future.
My friend's birthday was just a couple weeks ago, he's 2 years younger than me... I told him that we must keep the child in our souls alive. Because, the child in us will always allow us to see the beauty around us even when we are lost in darkness. And keeping the child alive in us will give us the desire and determination to live...and not just continue breathing...but to live life to its fullest...to have fun, to surround ourselves with people that make us smile and make us happy.
We don't talk much about the changes we are going through as we age. But I know we see them in each other just like we see them in the mirror. When we age, its hard sometimes to look in the mirror and realize just how much time has gone by... I don't dwell on it. But, once in awhile...it stares me in the face...it can't be avoided.
I am reading a book The Alchemist. In the prologue, there is a story of a boy named Narcissus. He would go every day to the lake. He would look into the lake to admire his own beauty. One day Narcissus fell into the lake. A goddess came to the lake and saw the lake crying. She asked the lake if he was crying because Narcissus was beautiful and was pursued by all for his beauty. The lake said he didn't know Narcissus was beautiful...what he saw in Narcissus each time he knelt at his banks, was his own beauty reflected in the depths of his eyes.
When we find someone who reflects our beauty, those people are treasures. People who care about us even when we aren't our best. Those are the people worth keeping around. Never let them go....
A couple days ago, I saw someone who I had dedicated my life to over the last few years. I wondered how I had remained in the relationship so long. I never saw life or hope, and I never saw my own beauty.... and it made me realize...some people are just not for us. Some people don't light the fire in our souls.. And when we surround ourselves with people who bring us down...or help us become mundane...its a little sad. When I was surrounded by this, i didn't allow myself to realize what I truly was missing. And no...I haven't found anything since then...but it's opened my eyes to life. My life!
I told my friend this...he told me, ok...everyone is different, which I agree. He knows I don't put people down. But I told him, so many times in life, we stay...because we think its right, or because its all we know. And until we're left standing alone in this world...do we realize all we were missing and all that we need to do to fulfill our hearts and souls.
Life is funny...people come and go out of our lives. I believe the ones that remain or the ones that left and then return...are meant to be there forever. Our forevers. I'm so lucky to have special people in my life. People near and far, who give me smiles...tears, ideas. But in the end...I know that they care about me, and that's what truly matters.
My friend told me...he wishes that every beautiful thing in the world comes to me... I thanked him. But then I thought about it...for just a few seconds...and I told him, that all the beautiful things in life had already arrived. But what I would look for, is something as good, and maybe I'd find something more.
I found a new song...that i've listened to over and over again today. When I find a new song that touches me...I could listen to it all day. When something touches me inside i need to feel it over and over again. Weird...who knows.
The song is Only One..by Alex Band. The lyrics are "one life to live, one love to give, one chance to keep from falling, one heart to break, one soul to take us not forsake us."
My interpretation:
One life to live...yeah that's all. And each moment needs to be lived to the fullest... So many times in life, we place importance on things that really aren't that important. Why can't we all step back...and look at our lives, and realize what is it that is "really" important. The things that make our hearts happy are the things that are important. Things that bring us joy...things that make us smile. Its so easy... so why is it so hard to find joy for so many of us. Because we're feeling sorry for ourselves for something or the other.... I for one have always had a melancholy soul...yet I am optimistic. But the melancholy me...helps me grow. It gives me ideas... just like the optimistic side does...
One love to give... I've loved many...but only one, I can say was a part of my soul. One I would do the impossible for. One who I would walk to the end of the world for. But in life...we may have been so lucky to find someone that we felt could complete us...and sometimes we can't have that person for whatever reason...but then we must go on...to find someone else to make us smile from the inside out. You can never stop looking if you haven't already found someone that makes you feel alive...and if you found that someone and they couldn't be yours...keep your heart open, and if we believe...i think someone else will find their way to us and us to them...someone that will fill all the spaces, the other person did. I'm hopeful...its all we can be.
One chance to keep from falling... we fall daily...but we get back up. Falling would be falling eternally...losing all hope for a better tomorrow...for a better today. So like i posted on facebook.....when all appears bleak,...only darkness surrounds you...open your eyes...the rays of heaven will appear from behind the clouds of hopelessness...the clouds that today smother you with sadness...will tomorrow blanket you with hope. I believe it...even when I feel so completely down...and i have no hope at the moment...deep in my heart and my soul I believe there will be a better moment...today...tomorrow...to come!
I wrote the following to someone I love with all my soul. And its basically how I feel not only for him, but for life and all those that I love. I wrote it in spanish, but will translate to english. The words I quote are from Heroe Enrique Iglesias (spanish version)
...te dejo con unas palabras que significan mucho para mi "POR QUE SALVARTE A TI MIL VECES...PUEDE SER MI SALVACION" y asi me siento...si te puedo traer sonrisas cuando no tienes ganas de sonreir...cuando tu vida esta pesada y puedo quitarte lo pesado...si te puedo ayudar jugar cuando ni tienes ganas de caminar...seria la persona mas feliz del mundo. Nunca lo olvides....
...I leave you with words that mean so much to me "If I could save you a thousand times...it just may be my salvation" I feel that way...and if I can make you smile when you don't feel like smiling...if when your world seems heavy, I can take away the things that weigh it down...if I can give you the urge to play when you don't have the will to walk...it would make me the happiest person in the world. Never forget...
Its not only what I feel for my friend...but it's how I feel for everyone I love and who is a part of my life...whether near or far. If I can make you feel better....if I see you down...I will always try to leave you with words to try to console you...with words to give you hope for a better tomorrow...and yes...by saving you a thousand times...this will definitely be my salvation.
Today my birthday...I'm happy...I'm loved...I love...I'm lucky! And I want to thank every every everyone....for every every every moment of joy that you give me...for the ideas...for smiles...for the tears...for you! Thanks for being a part of my life...of my journey.... I'm lucky!
No comments:
Post a Comment