Just thinking...

Talking with my friend the other day....he asked "how many married couples do you know that are truly happy". It took a while for me to answer. And honestly, there weren't many I could think of.

Being who I am...and how I think deeper than others may, it made me sad.

I then asked him the same question, and his answer was also very few, if any at all. So my next question was...why? He said it may be due to our expectations in life. I thought about it....

In thinking about this, i veered off and began to wonder why people cheat on their spouses.

I was once married to the biggest cheater of them all. So I know what it feels like to be cheated on. I've also been on the flip side... Nope, i'm not a saint! But I also know I'm not alone in this.

I was talking to a someone the other day, who has cheated. She told me she was happy in her life and couldn't do anything to jeopardize what she has for the person she fools around with. But, it made me wonder why she kept needing this other person, if she was truly happy. And what is more amazing, is she is the one who searches for her lover. I honestly don't think she is truly happy, I think she is trying to convince herself. I truly believe she is not the cheating type, if that makes any sense. I think she stays because of her obligations, but there is a part of her, that would love to be with the person who makes her crazy and thats why she can't let him go. He makes her happy, he makes her smile. Who knows, I haven't come to a conclusion on this one, yet.

I think there are two kinds of cheaters...the screw everything in their path cheaters. And the, accidentally knocked me off my feet cheaters.  Is there a difference? I think so.

The screw everything in their path cheaters...are constantly searching for the next best thing. I really don't think these kinds of cheaters will ever be fulfilled. I once had a friend who had a cheating husband, who at the time, compared him to my cheating husband.

She had a friend who was a psychologist, and she confided in him about seeing her husband at a club with another girl. The psychologist asked her to describe the girl, she did, and the girl was a typical bar drunk. The psychologist friend told her that most men will go for someone who is usually beneath or below what they believe their wife is, because its what they think they truly deserve. In her case, she knew it was true. And in all cases, but one, in my marriage, I also knew it was true. This was also confirmed by my husband. He told me the reason he did it, was because he knew that someday I would realize that I was better than him and I would leave him. Why couldn't he see me for who I really was....that had never even crossed my mind.

As far as the other type of cheater, who is true to their life and just happened to stumble across someone that rocked their world, I don't think they are typical. I think sometimes in our lives...we become bored. Then all of a sudden, someone shows up, that makes us feel special or desired or just makes us feel our point of view matters.... and, it provides something that we are no longer getting at home, if we ever did.

But this type who cheats may find someone who is all they've ever dreamed of.   All that they desire.   This is the type that is dangerous....because when you find someone like that it is so hard to let go, if you ever do.   Whether it lasts or whether it ends....that person will forever haunt your soul and have your heart.  

I knew someone once, who was married, and who's wife was extremely moody. She was insecure and not happy. Most of their time was spent mad or unhappy. The wife didn't smile much, not only with him, but with others. He was a happy type. Jokester. Eventually he cheated on her. When she finally left him, he found another girl, who was his same personality, happy, jokester. And he was happy. He never cheated on this girl. What I often wondered was... did he cheat because his wife was moody and not really like him personality wise...and the new girl was so much like him, and she made him laugh that he never cheated on her. I think what it comes down to is the "happiness factor". It sucks to be sad and to be with someone moody... ask my ex-husband. lol In the end I was extremely unhappy...and it was probably not very nice living with a grump!

I have another friend, who told me something that went round and round in my head. He said he once had a dog that every time he'd get home, the dog would be so happy it would pee. I grossed out when he told me, but later understood what he meant. He also told me that he would never get married again, until he found a woman like the dog. I'm thinking "a woman who pees when she sees him". But no, he didn't mean it literally. He meant that he would marry the next woman, that would provide him with the sense of knowing that she was the happiest person on this earth when she was with him. I can understand that 100%.

Its the desire in us all to feel needed and loved. When we feel loved, it makes us happy. That's what it was. When we feel those feelings, it makes us bigger. Is that the reason people cheat...to feel needed and desired? Just may be!

This again reminds me of my friend who says she's happy, but still needs her lover, or whatever you want to call him, after years. She says she sees how happy he is to be with her, and that makes her happy. Hmmm....happy? Is it that simple? So...if we're happy at home...then there's no reason to go elsewhere? hmmm... still thinking about it!

Heck, whether committed or single, when someone comes along and lights a fire in us. It makes us crazy. And its so easy to think about leaving everything behind.

But are those moments real...is what we are feeling, worth leaving everything behind for?

In some instances, yes it is. In others, no it isn't. What a person has to do is realize just where you are in your life. Is all you worked for worth giving up for something you are not sure of? Or is it worth leaving all the mundane moments...mundane life behind, to find true happiness. Hmmm. That's a hard one, because how do you know what you feel today is what you will tomorrow? It may be all fireworks today...and bombs tomorrow!

What I think is...when we are in a relationship, we have to take care of each other. We have to make the other feel special. But it has to be both ways. Sometimes one is giving, giving, giving and the other taking, taking, taking. We can't be selfish, we have to make each other feel special and smile. Its so simple, really. I believe we have to show each other we are appreciated. That we're desired. And go the extra mile, to do it. Cuz you never know...when you aren't tending to the chickens, someone else might jump in the chicken coup and ruffle those feathers. Then where will you be...with a puffed out chicken or no chicken at all.

Ok....I'm being silly. But it's the truth. If you don't take care of what's yours, someone else will come along and do it for you. When a person is feeling unappreciated, and worn out by giving so much, and someone comes along and makes you feel gorgeous, or has some kind words to say or even just making you feel understood and that your point of view matters...its that easy. You're hooked! Sad but true.

One of my favorite songs "Treat Her Like a Lady" by Joe...says just that. My favorite part of the song is "now if this dont apply to you, keep doing what you do...and if the shoe fits you well, take a minute to ask yourself, how long will it take before she starts running in the streets" "now see whats old to you, is just like new to the next man, what you don't do for her, she'll find somebody who can, if you don't want to lose out on the best thing you ever had..."

Cheating is not right. I have always said, if you need someone else, then you should have the decency to leave the person you're with to find their true happiness.

I won't judge, and I won't make excuses. And you shouldn't either. Because until you walk in those shoes, you have no idea what it's about. And also, you never know when someone you love will be the victim or the villain, and it could very well be you, if it hasn't been already. And, when we judge, we never know what destiny will place on our doorstep, and it just may be the thing you judged so heavily the day before.

All I know is, life isn't easy. Relationships are hard. But, the thing we have to do is sit ourselves down, and take care of what we have, or let it fly. Two choices...hard as heck, choices. But, it needs to be done

Think with your head, not with your heart. Or...should it be the other way around. Our heart may sometimes lead us to complete happiness. What we can't do is leave our responsibilities unattended to.

So if you are debating on what to do....then take time, analyze your situation. Realize what is really important. Then make a move or stay put.

So back to where I started...are you in a happy relationship? And if not, what can you do to make it better. Is it worth fighting for. If not, is your happiness worth more? Think about it...and do what you have to, to make your life better!